Ripping| Through/

Dead before time,
 embodiment of satan,
 the philosophers of lucifer,
 deserved is their stay,
 wont for bliss,
 a rotting grave.

You win and you die.
 Shatter!
  Sleeping the sheep,
  sitting the plant,
  soiling the feet,
  fire through it,
  need is for strong.

Source is worth,

 struggle a bubble,

 questions of fail,
 stop.

The scared child,
 veiled is the window,
 mortal in hurricane,
 the line of right,
 quiet five masters.

Lost is a fragment,
 covered by light,
 who is not in the know,
 and is yet to lament.

Faces of fear,
 crushers and slashers,
 a monster of red,
 addicted to shrivel,
 falling for life.
  Opposite day is every day.

I can't sleep

I need the sleep so much, because i go to work after lunch and get out at midnight, but i've been awake for hours in bed, fighting anguish and violent thoughts that i can't get rid of, they keep coming to my head, because i can't stop thinking about her.
 Where are you?
For some reason i feel restless even knowing this is all for nothing!
There's no way i can sleep now.
 How am i going to work?
This trauma of abandonment is stronger than anything i can describe, i stay in a state of disbelief for too long, it ruins my day every time this happens, i can't rest, it's impossible, she had no idea how important she was to me when she disappeared suddenly.
I needed her!
Still do?
Why?
I've only been alone my entire life, waiting for true love like a sucker, like a child!
 What madness drives me to feel like ripping through my chest with my hands until i lose my strength?
Why is my head filled with the desire to hurt myself for not deserving to be with her?
I'm so stressed.
Help!
Why did this have to happen to me, it's a sickness, there's no cure but death, and i have to suffer in misery like a beast chained to a rock inside a cave.
I feel like hanging myself or crying to the floor!
I'm so hopeless i hate to be alive.
What do i do now?
Excruciating, this is torture.
I wish i could forget everything.
I wish i could kill myself, because i'm so afraid to fail again.
No one would understand that i don't want to be alive anymore, there's nothing in this world for me, nothing!
All i wanted was her.
When will this end?
I am desolate.
How can i do anything if i'm so stupid these feelings still live inside me after more than 4 years?
What am i supposed to do?
What i wanted above everything i felt for her only.
Why do i have to be alive if i failed?
I want to do violent things to myself, i deserve no better, i can't even cry right anymore.
A face washed with tears is worthless, there's nothing but misery here.
I can't stand being alive, i feel furious, i want to die!
I don't want to be alive anymore, i don't care, i'm going to lose my head