So, life in this world is a punishment, for what exactly?

While reading The Forgotten Books of Eden, by Rutherford H. Platt, Jr., [1926], at sacred-texts.com i stopped at chapter 25(XXV) of the first(1st) book, wanting to write some of the thoughts going through my head, so what follows, it's surely not meant to be coherent.

If "Adam" and "Eve" were on the garden with "God", and the "serpent" lied to them and they ate from the "Tree of Knowledge", and for that were punished to become human and live in this world below for a certain amount of time, until their covenant with "God" was fulfilled, then... what did they do wrong exactly?

What is the "Tree of Knowledge"? Where is it? Can you eat fruit from it? Is it physical? What is it all about?

And why was the "serpent(Satan/the "god" of this world)" jealous and lie? Why was it even there? There where exactly?

Who was it that wrote the diaries of "Adam" and "Eve"?

And why do i feel like an inferior ignorant version of "Adam"? I know the texts are not 100% Truth, but still, what exactly do those individuals who wrote those old texts want to pass on after all that i still can't seem to understand?

This is not "it", i do know that! What is "this" then exactly all about?

As it appears, there is no human without sin.
It seems unfair to me, to have to pay for the sins of the first humans, whatever truly happened to them, long, long ago...

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P.S. - I'm not a member of any religion or anti-religion and that's why i "quote" words, i simply have an interest in old texts because they are closer to Truth, even if floating on a sea of perversions, that includes religions and why they were created and spread, promoted, after all, to initiate those in ignorance, but in an erroneous way, for an specific purpose. I digress.

I can't wait to get out...

I c😢ould repeat t😢his every day. No, i cou😢😢te being aliv😢😢t😢here's no😢thing but suffer😢ing and pain a😢nd insanity😢 and torture the w😢😢hole😢 day, e😢very week, ev😢ery 😢month, ever😢😢y 😢ear. T😢😢ere's 😢n😢othing else!!!😢😢😢😢😢 Wh😢en is th😢time 😢of m😢y de😢at😢h? I😢😢w😢ish i k😢😢ew...
😢My situat😢on will never get 😢better, so why😢😢can'😢 i die n😢? I w😢😢nt to😢
rest!!!😢😢

Difficulty breathing under strong rain and wind!

It started pouring rain so i had to go upstairs to pick up some things and clothes, i had to be fast, but in the middle of it i found myself getting drenched and having difficulty breathing, why was that? I wasn't drinking the rain, and the wind wasn't that fast, yet my chest started to hurt, and it felt like i was being coated in water and starting to drown in a dense atmosphere. That was strange!

It still hurts this much after 4 years ?!

All i have are these walls around me, I KNOW THAT, it's all i have, and when i die that's all i'll lose.
Every week i have to keep reminding myself of that.
I know better, but still this happens!
Why did this happen to me, when it's useless and worthless? "True Love" doesn't even exist!! If i didn't deserve to be with her, i couldn't kill myself either, and why? I had nothing else in my life to life for! My life was 100% done. It makes no sense why i got a tremendous flow of failure and negativity since i can remember.
She keeps coming to my head, this strange heaviness in my brain doesn't let me rest, memories swallow me whole, pain fills my chest, i can't focus on anything, it increases in intensity from time to time, and i can't stop it!
She disappeared, i've been mourning ever since, that means she died, doesn't it?
Seeing her again would be a shock to me, i feel like i'd not be able to stop from hurting my body feeling i deserve it, and hanging myself until the weakness takes me and i fall to the floor crying in misery again.
Why can't i kill myself? I've got a terminal illness, i've begged to die a thousand times, i've lost my sanity and went crazy in complete isolation from the outside world, i've created and consumed a hurricane of emotions and feelings, and all for what?
Why am i still alive?
Why can't i die? It's all i want! All i have left, i'm sure of it, then why?
I want to die when i got to bed at night, i wake up feeling the same when i wake up.
THERE IS NO DIFFERENCE!!!!!!!
Why? And alone, everything there is to know about me is that i've been alone for more years than anyone else i know of or ever met.
I never asked for any of it!! My life was ruined without recovery possible.
All i wanted since i was a child was to be loved by one girl only, just one. To feel and know what it is like, to... (i wish i could explain it, but i really can't, you'd have to have been alone your entire life and descended into near death misery for years to understand the kind of brutality i've been through)
I am alone! That is absolute fact, it defines my life. I am alone! SO WHY CAN'T I DIE???
Why? Can't i at least deserve to know?