Nothing for me here

There are important things i want to do, but i don't have a person to help me, in fact my family is almost completely gone, and i have no friends anywhere, being alone is the best i can do now, because everyone around me is dead inside. I've never been so close to knowing why i'm here, how i came here, when i came here, what i am, and where i am, yet i still don't know how to escape this world and never come back. I am alone everywhere i am, because no one else understands why they are here. People are infected with slavery, they are not my kind. This world is filled with evil, it needs another flood. There's nothing for me here, i simply am still alive. I want to go away, and never come back.

No Closure

nozomi varekova

To the Ones leaving without saying Goodbye


For too long have I struggled to find a meaning for writing and ending this, to say these last words, and now, after 6 years and almost 2 weeks of your disappearance, the last person I called "friend", you never gave me closure, so over time I've written my memories about you, and what happened to me as well, in this blog many times in the past, so many I had to delete some, and now that I have expressed everything about you, I cannot feel a justification anymore, because after this there's nothing else to write.

You dumped your suffering on me, pretending to be a victim, got closer, lied to me, and later disappeared without even saying goodbye, leaving me restless without sleep for months in pain not knowing what happened to you, and I could never be the same person, it's because of you I developed B.P.D., it's because of you I started hating people, it's because of you I can't have friends, it's because of you I can't sleep well, for all that and more I hate you Nozomi Varekova, liar, traitor, you deserve to be abandoned by the person you desire to be with the most, without even a goodbye, and live in misery, filled with loneliness and regret, crying and hurting without knowing what happened, having health problems and insomnia, without resting well ever again, without job or car, friends or fun, hated because you are a failure, not being able to die or feel better, until nothing interests you anymore, waking up hopeless living the same day everyday, for no reason, and everything you feel dies inside you, like what happened to me against my will. You deserve to suffer without end, like me. This is how you will be remembered Nozomi Varekova, liar, traitor, but because this is hell there will never be justice, you'll never know why I wanted to be with you so much, and why my hate for you will only disappear when I die. You are the reason why I started hating people. You owe me all the suffering I've had to live with since your disappearance during the 3rd week of February in 2014. I hate you Nozomi Varekova, and I'll do what you never did, which is to say, goodbye.