Unbearable

Stuck in the past, having difficulty breathing, shocked by watching the dog die in misery today and carrying his cold dead body to his grave, being in silence having absolutely no contact with anyone outside this house, feeling pain and distress every day, going hungry and cold and weak because my brain feels heavy and clouded from not having any social life of any kind, not being touched by anyone, not having one person to talk to, not having anything to do, not having a job, not being able to be around people for too long, i can't rest, i can't sleep, i feel desperate, feeling like i'm being tortured is what it feels to be alive to me! I want to die right now, because i can't handle living like this for much longer. I'm so dead inside, i'm about to lose the strenght to move.💔😭As i'm dying here, i only wish i had one person who loved me. It's not worth being alive like this!!

Correlations of Collections without Relations 3

Little more than a year ago, during winter, i felt sick and cold in the afternoon, which wasn't uncommon, but some hours later i was shaking and definitely needed to go to bed, so i went. It was around 23:00, i had my clothes on, was covered to my mouth, my skin was feverish hot, but my body was shivering, i was crying, and it hurt. I spent almost one hour like that. It was so strange, because the next day i felt "normal" again.
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I never met someone like me, whatever that means.
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What's up with women, and their sense of balance? Takeshi's Castle.
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I wish i could talk to the first humans.
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4 years of severe P.T.S.D. of Abandonment, eating away at my brain. My fault, my guilt, 'til death puts an end to it.
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*sigh* What's the point...
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Last year i went to a gym for a few months, i would spend around 2 hours training, every 2 days. That was the best i've ever felt these past 5 to 9 years.
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Crying is useless, i learned that many years ago.
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Uh~~... i'm tired of everything around me, yet i can't even rest properly, it's been 5 years since i last slept well.(i may have written this twice, hope not, but it's not even worth the time to check, because only 6 to 10 people are going to read this)
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Your problems cannot be solved with drugs.
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I wish i had a friend, only one.😢
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Don't do as i do, do as i say.
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Nozomi... it felt as if there were only two people in the entire world, and then she disappeared, leaving me all alone to die.
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*screaming*AAAAAGONNYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!
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Music is not just to listen to. You'll have to figure it out what that means.
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Why do i like Japan so much? Because it's so far away from here, so different, so interesting!
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I know exactly what insanity is, to do the same thing, expecting different results! The story of my life. Bah~~!
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Eating fruit is healthy, drinking fruit juice is not.
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I may have spent 70 to 80 thousand hours alone these past 11 years, can't really be certain, but it's close. Well, i could cry a river of tears, but i already feel like i'm drowning.
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You don't choose the family you're born into.
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(only red)Roses are red, Violets are violet(obviously), These stupid little poems aren't funny(!), And neither is this.
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It's almost certain now, that i will never try to kill myself again."IT'S CRUEL!!" were my only words as i was trying the last time.
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Poor dog, can't even get up and drink water anymore, his kidneys don't work, and he cannot be cured, will be put to sleep forever tomorrow morning. So many years, so much suffering... he deserved better.🐶

Correlations of Collections without Relations 2

People who pretend to be suffering from something i suffer from, when all they want is attention, make me feel angry, but i don't tell them anything anymore. And yes, i am able to sense fakery, if i had experienced the real deal. Don't try to pretend you're an expert on suffering, spoiled child! You, with nice skin, new clothes, clean homes, friends, boyfriend/girlfriend, supporting family, job, car, money, happiness, good health, social life, hobbies, new gadgets, plentiful foods and drinks, house appliances, pets, big houses, parties, pleasures, and childish smiles, WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT SUFFERING?!
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When i was little i had a cat at home, his name was Tommy, for some reason! He would jump the back wall to the neighbour's house, and when he came back, he'd hide under the kitchen table. Once he had fleas. What happened to him?
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I absolutely ADORE travelling, but i don't have the money or company to satisfy that passion of mine. Great, now i feel miserable again...
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When in doubt, don't do it!
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Look at the horizon sideways. Look up until you see only the night sky around you.
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It's past lunch time, and i haven't eaten anything yet, again. I'm going to prepare something to eat, or my body will start complaining again, damn human body, trap for me(soul)! And people actually enjoy being here? Un-freaking-believable!!!
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The oldest, or youngest(?), memory i have is from when i was around 6 years old, or young(?). I was here in the street, at a friend's house with him, his grandfather and another friend or two. His grandfather said something like the first one to the church wins an icecream, later we ran up the street to the church, up the steps like a race, and to the top.
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Don't watch television!
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People ruin everything.
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I just sat here, staring into oblivion. My brain is hurting again, i want it removed! *DISTRESS* I still can't believe i never had even one person, who wanted to be with me! NOT! EVEN! ONE! "True Love" my ass, what was i thinking?!! *ANGUISH*
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The best place to be, is wherever other people are not. That said, having land and house of your own is the best, having a free to leave prison cell in a building in some city is the worst. Don't even want to go deeper into this, i've done this before!
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It's not like if i could, i wouldn't live a so called "normal life".
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I see dead people! They're everywhere. (allegory)
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These things aren't writen in order, it's always a work in progress, edit kind of thing.
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I don't have a person to talk to, so i have to talk to myself, or sometimes write here. and delete the worst of the worst.
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When i let my beard grow for a week or more, i end up not liking how i look, but i'm trying it now, just because i never went this far before.
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Many years ago, i enjoyed reading magazines and books, but eventually i stopped buying them. It's not like i'm not interested in them aymore, but reading, with the amounts of stress that flow through my body when i'm in this house, around these people, alone, i just want headphones, music, and internet.
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I've always been alone, i'm alone now, and i'm going to die alone, not because i want to, but i don't deserve any better.
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Once i was walking home, steps away from the front door, when something hits my head! I look around, and there's a sparrow on the ground, then it flies away.
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Practically everything i drink now is water. Maybe milk sometimes, rarely lemon+honey, tea or coffee.
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I know WHAT the purpose of Life is,(that's how most call it so that's how i wrote it), so i can sense immediately everything else that is not it, but i don't know HOW to fulfill it. I discovered it after i went through an Apocalypse, in the true meaning of the word.
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Spinning ballerina, change directions with your brain.
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I can't function as a human being anymore...

Correlations of Collections without Relations 1

Smiling is not for me, if i do it, it's not on purpose, i swear!
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One a day is enough, huh, hum, oh, i forgot... No comments please.
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How wrong i was, when many years ago, i told a jeovah's witness at my door that "i was my own god"! Such was my weakness and ignorance at the time, i had allowed "new(old) age" lies and buddhism to poison my head. When i see individuals saying they're gods, i don't even want to have any contact with them.
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I enjoy lifting weights, but i'm ot in a gym anymore, and being here is so depressing, there's days i barely move.
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IO MaleFemale InputOutput PenetratorPenetratee PenisVagina. LOOK AT THE POWER BUTTON, IT'S SEX TO YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS! OH, THE IMMORALITY HIDDEN IN SIMBOLYSM...
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'Tis not the hand, you're looking for.
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Schizophrenia... hah! It never really came to my head to accept that, "hey, i have that too!". I never really bothered. It's just +1 problem to me. Maybe i'm so deep into it, that i barely notice anymore.
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(-: what? i don't always feel like writing! this one, will be left, blank :-)
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9 numbers in total then, 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 then, well then, that makes 10 then. If everything starts, then, from 0 except THE EVERYTHING, then my life started, then from 0 too, then, why hasn't it then left 0 yet, then, yet?
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Aprende uma língua nova, ou faz tradução, ao menos isso.
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My bodyweight seems to be stable at 98kg since i left the gym, but im not as strong and active as i used to be during the summer, I do miss those times, even if i had to walk alone.
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I really need to learn how to cook everything i could ever need, at least the basics, and it's not like what i can cook now isn't enough, because it is.
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4+2+3!=HELP ME DIE! Wow, i just noticed, it's my birthday, right after i wrote it! If you put the month first, that is.
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Ancient languages and civilizations are so interesting, the more ancient the better, but what was there before what history(?) is heavilly promoted to the peoples of this world? I wonder what happened before 5 or 6 thousand years ago. I wasn't there, so i don't know. But i'd like to know what happened in the beginning, and be there, to see experience how humanity started, and, well, since i'm at it, how EVERYTHING started. =^_^= miau!
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I decided to write 23 phrases for these things, the last one being out of bounds, fringe stuff. Whatever, i'm not thinking twice about this!
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DON'T SCREAM AT PEOPLE! It's so stressful and rude.
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Dogs are such nice people.
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You are not what you eat, but what you eat influences how you feel.
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Can you stop being so active now, brain? Jeez, cheese, Mary-Louise, give me a break. Oh! Right, the brain is already split in half, ain't it? (inserted Goodness Gracious Me non-reference)
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Psychiatric ward is the closest thing to a prison inside a hospital.
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When it's very cold around here, in the winter, my back hurts.
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My left eye can handle sunlight better than my right eye, in general, it sees better, clearly my dominant eye.
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It's midnight, there's nothing to do, my body is tired to the bones, so, i'm going to bed.

 Hmmm...   *thinking to myself*

 Bathroom first.

 Now to bed.

 Turn off the light, and...

Get comfy~~     SWEET DREAMS! 

Correlations of Collections without Relations 0

It's toxic, it hurts, inside
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Disdain
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I see the lives of others in fragments of succession
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Climb high, dig deep, you still cannot leave
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I'm no ""look at me, i've got beard on my face" man" man
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Eating out of necessity, my body needs it
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I'm ashamed to deserve to live like this, and not even knowing why
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Of the variety of ways to expel hate out of my body, i prefer to keep it private
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There's no justice in this place
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I hate couples who hug and kiss around other people in public places, they should be punished, or do it in privacy
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Some green pants i like, i admit
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I will remember her
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Drugs only are so because they're the refined product of something else
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If you for dare to believe you don't have free will, then obey my will, send me a message and i'll tell you how to live
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I've spent more time alone than doing anything else
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Japan, it captivates me so much, i've watched too much television, can't live another life in my imagination
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I've never truly known someone, no one has ever truly known me
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I know, i know, don't compare people's suffering
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Can't stand being around people for to long anymore, they always end up hurting me in some way
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How can anyone want to be happy in a world of suffering? Happiness is Ignorance! Suffering is introduced, happiness goes away.
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Even my body doesn't do what i want, how  is it only my fault for hurting so much, when i never received a moral education?
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Rocking back and forward in my chair, no stimulation, what a bore, i'm always cold, empty void, corrode exude, walls cry around me.
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23. So, skidoo. Done, bag it, pack it, tag it, stamp it, send it to Australia, it's their problem now!

Music is not just to listen to

Lacrimosa - W.A. Mozart

Lacrymosa dies illa,
qua resurget ex favilla
judicandus homo reus:
Huic ergo parce Deus.
Pie Jesu Domine,
Dona eis requiem.
Amen.

Mournful that day

When from the dust shall rise

Guilty man to be judged

Therefore spare him O God

Merciful Jesu

Lord Grant them rest! Amen!

A cat eating what?!

A banana? It's clearly edited to look that way, i call it a fake, everyone knows cats don't eat bananas, 'cause they can't peel them with them little fluffy paws, ain't it! Of course.

They order in.

Food for Thought

Eat up.

I am an Individual

I'm not "the people".

The Gullible

if i explained it to people, they would not believe me, and i know this from experience, it's quite obvious,

one cannot pass on understanding like it's a book, and even not by reading a book can one understand the message. 

i know what this fabricated event is about, it's a test, to find out how easy it currently is to control entire 

populations, and i have to say, it's a success, the next fabricated event will be both worse and last longer, increasingly over generations the people have become easier to control, both because each day that goes by they are further from the beginning and so Truth, and because it's easier to control entire populations now thanks to technology which enslaves, group mentality, public schools, jobs, banks, government, money, sex, drugs, entertainment, it was never so easy to control the people, and it will become even worse in the next generations, until they die and never come back.

and the thing about slavery, it's voluntary.

the people are the ones creating these situations, by believing they're taking shape. without the people,

there would be no problems, like there are always. those who control the perception of the people need only

to plan what they want the people to believe, and spread it through the television, and the other means of 

communication that they own, and the people will believe it, without fail. that is how easy it is to control them, because when you know nothing, you will believe anything.

people policing each other, made to believe they're better than others, like well trained pets for their masters who are also slaves. everyone is here for the same reason, and it has everything to do with the original sin, which i don't believe it was simply eating from a tree, and with sex which is the beginning of all suffering and continuance here.

but i am immune to it, i don't watch television, i'm not a zombie, i don't believe what i'm told

zombies acting like nobody died before this fabricated event

i know this is just another fabricated event to control the people, it's as obvious to me as stupidity ignorance and evil are to the people, and by people i mean practically everyone

the next time an event like this is fabricated, the people will accept even more slavery

mind control from a distance, television, internet, and bilions of zombies obeying, believing what they're told, like the perfect slaves they are, accepting more control, until eventually they cannot do anything without asking permission, and even then, well it's happening now in such a magnitude like never before, but not even when it's so beyond obvious even a dumb stupid idiot will realize he/she is a slave living for the will of others, and that's not even counting the reason why everyone is here, but that's too much above too much above too much, not even then they willwant to be free, because they are still completely human in conscience, and so slavery is what they were born into.

i wish people left me out of their evil, disgustingness, stupidity

i feel completely alone in this, these people who want to control others deserve to be thrown in a dark hole,

and never see sunlight again until they die

problem: suffering

solution: stop having sex

The people will consume anything that is promoted to them.
The people don't care if it's true or not.
The people just want to be entertained.
The people are easily manipulated.
The people are dead inside.

And this fake virus is just another fabricatd event for the people to live in fear and accept vaccinations, taxes, methods of control, be distracted from that which is important, give power to those who tell them how to live, it's that old history of being human and how every individual will live countless human lives in suffering until they understand that they do not belong here and there is a way to escape.

What do YOU know? Really!

Can YOU actually prove anything you believe in? Or is it just a belief? Told to believe?

A simple enough example: Is this world round? Is it flat?

CAN YOU PROVE IT?

And i don't care if this world is round or flat, it's just an example question.

DO YOU EVER QUESTION ANYTHING?

What do YOU know? Not what other people say it's like this or that.

YOU, YOURSELF

WHAT

DO

YOU

KNOW?

Satanism

Satanism is to go against the will of the Creator, put simple, i never read the Bible but i won't explain myself either.
I used to believe it was what i wrote below, but as it includes satanism, it's not the meaning of it.
"Me. Me. Me!
How can i pleasure myself even more?
How can i imprison myself to this body and this world even more?
How can i hurt myself and hate myself and others even more?
How can i ignore Truth even more, oh how, please someone tell me how to live my life to the fullest and become completely human to the death, and be born to ignorance and suffering again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again.
I want nothing more than to live forever in a hurricane of orgasms and bliss, oh please, fill me up, i don't want to care about anything or anyone anymore.
Please. I'll do anything. ANYTHING!"

Money and the Prison of Belief

People are slaves, all slaves need money! If you believe that money exists, then you are a slave to whoever has it, and you don't even realize it. That's what schools are for, to raise the perfect slaves, and get them to work for others, to keep the system of slavery alive, like a machine that always needs sacrifice to keep working.

It's too much when someone does anything for money, and people do everything for it, without realizing it does not exist, and they are harming themselves in unspeakable ways, but there's nothing i can do for them, the life of a slave is all they know, and they will be corrected with suffering without mercy.

Whoever has land with a house, food, and water, has everything they need from this world.   

People don't want to be free, for that they have to assume responsibility for themselves, and money is what makes them believe they don't have to be responsible, for someone else will accept to do what they want, as long as they get money, which doesn't exist, and never will.

The belief in money is a mental illness, willing slavery, and the whole world is sick with it! What is the solution? Well, the solution is to be found on a personal level, what needs to be done only you can do it, and there is no escaping it, as you will later experience for yourself.

A Right Causes No Harm

Simple.

Now you know what the definition of a Right is.

A theory is as worthless as your opinion if it's not Truth

So if you think something is a FACT, just because you believe it to be true, stop, and PROVE IT, don't believe what you're told!

The important questions are the ones only you can answer to yourself

Not other people. Do you have any truly important questions? Ask yourself!

Plus, when you ask someone a question, you are giving them power over you, like a child asking for permission from the parents, to be told HOW it is, instead of you searching for it.

There's no such thing as "try and you'll get what you want"

Life definitely does NOT work like that, and the proof is all around yourself.

Is what you want even moral? Is it right? Is it true? Is it good? Is it a priority? Is it even important? Is it?

I feel i've been alive for so long

I'm starting to believe i'm cursed to live(suffer) forever.

Not to be taken seriously, i'm not joking.

If you want a baby

Look around yourself first, absorb the tremendous pain and misery of other people, and think about how much suffering your baby is going to experience, just because you are so ignorant and irresponsible, you've got no clue, WHY you are here, in a human body, in this world, and you want to be responsible for bringing another soul, to this place. To HELL! Without even knowing how this place works and how to get out.

The only reason

Why people enjoy living in this world, is because they do not know what this place really is!

I'm sick of it

Is there anything besides suffering in this world? How can anyone go 1 single day without suffering? I have no idea how ignorant(happy) they have to be! All i see is psychopaths causing harm to themselves and others around me. Is everyone else dead inside?