And yet, i'm still here...

People around me keep dying. It's the 4th family member this year, 2 lived in this house, had to watch 1 die.
When my mother dies, then, that's it, i'll be 100% alone. I don't even have anyone to talk to.
There's not a breath of will to live inside me, there's nothing i want from this world, only this body forcing me, punishing me for still being trapped here, in hell, and i have to wash it, and feed it, and put it to sleep, like a zombie. And for what? To stay alive? But i don't want to be alive, i hate all of this with a weakness, instead of passion.
It's been 4000 days, it's so cold and lifeless to be in this body.
Why be born, why be human? Such tremendous suffering and misery, being here makes no sense to me!