So, life in this world is a punishment, for what exactly?

While reading The Forgotten Books of Eden, by Rutherford H. Platt, Jr., [1926], at sacred-texts.com i stopped at chapter 25(XXV) of the first(1st) book, wanting to write some of the thoughts going through my head, so what follows, it's surely not meant to be coherent.

If "Adam" and "Eve" were on the garden with "God", and the "serpent" lied to them and they ate from the "Tree of Knowledge", and for that were punished to become human and live in this world below for a certain amount of time, until their covenant with "God" was fulfilled, then... what did they do wrong exactly?

What is the "Tree of Knowledge"? Where is it? Can you eat fruit from it? Is it physical? What is it all about?

And why was the "serpent(Satan/the "god" of this world)" jealous and lie? Why was it even there? There where exactly?

Who was it that wrote the diaries of "Adam" and "Eve"?

And why do i feel like an inferior ignorant version of "Adam"? I know the texts are not 100% Truth, but still, what exactly do those individuals who wrote those old texts want to pass on after all that i still can't seem to understand?

This is not "it", i do know that! What is "this" then exactly all about?

As it appears, there is no human without sin.
It seems unfair to me, to have to pay for the sins of the first humans, whatever truly happened to them, long, long ago...

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P.S. - I'm not a member of any religion or anti-religion and that's why i "quote" words, i simply have an interest in old texts because they are closer to Truth, even if floating on a sea of perversions, that includes religions and why they were created and spread, promoted, after all, to initiate those in ignorance, but in an erroneous way, for an specific purpose. I digress.

I can't wait to get out...

I c😢ould repeat t😢his every day. No, i cou😢😢te being aliv😢😢t😢here's no😢thing but suffer😢ing and pain a😢nd insanity😢 and torture the w😢😢hole😢 day, e😢very week, ev😢ery 😢month, ever😢😢y 😢ear. T😢😢ere's 😢n😢othing else!!!😢😢😢😢😢 Wh😢en is th😢time 😢of m😢y de😢at😢h? I😢😢w😢ish i k😢😢ew...
😢My situat😢on will never get 😢better, so why😢😢can'😢 i die n😢? I w😢😢nt to😢
rest!!!😢😢

Difficulty breathing under strong rain and wind!

It started pouring rain so i had to go upstairs to pick up some things and clothes, i had to be fast, but in the middle of it i found myself getting drenched and having difficulty breathing, why was that? I wasn't drinking the rain, and the wind wasn't that fast, yet my chest started to hurt, and it felt like i was being coated in water and starting to drown in a dense atmosphere. That was strange!

APOCALYPSE

Apocalypse: (Ancient Greek: ἀποκάλυψις apokálypsis, from ἀπό and καλύπτω meaning "uncovering"), translated literally from Greek, is a disclosure of knowledge, an unveiling, a revelation, a disclosure of something hidden

(too bad, i had written a publication about this some timeago but i deleted it, because of its harsh content and details)

Every single individual needs an APOCALYPSE in their lives to uncover, reveal, unveil, TRUTH to them, which is what the meaning of the word is all about!
That is the only way there is to help everyone, but i can not do it, for i am in this human shape like everyone else, and i do not have the power to do it, and i know such an event will not take place again, for it already happened long ago.
I understand what needs to be done, despite not knowing how to do it. But still, if the power was passed on/down to me from "divinity" it would be for that purpose, and i would do it! But that is just something in my head, related to true care and being wrong and ignorant at the same time, it will never happen, i can not help everyone, they must suffer for being wrong and be corrected, and so do i.

Day: 23; Month: April; Year: doesn't matter anymore

Another birthday, another year still alive in this world.
Alone and lonely almost 23 hours a day, going for 11 years straight.
Some day i will deserve to die, and it will be good.

Meaningless

Important Reading

UNDERSTANDING

The Divine Pymander

HERMES TRISMEGISTUS, HIS FIRST BOOK

"1. O MY SON, write this First Book, both for Humanity's sake, and for Piety towards god.
2. For there can be no Religion more true or just, than to know the things that are; and to acknowledge thanks for all things, to Him that made them, which thing I shall not cease continually to do.
3. What then should a man do, O Father, to lead his life well; seeing there is nothing here true?
4. Be Pious and Religious, O my Son; for he that doth so, is the best and highest Philosopher, and without Philosophy it is impossible ever to attain to the height and exactness of Piety and Religion.
5. But he that shall learn and study the things that are, and how they are ordered and governed, and by whom, and for what cause, or to what end. Will acknowledge thanks to the Workman, as to a good Father, an excellent Nurse, and a faithful Steward, and he that gives thanks shall be Pious or Religious, and he that is Religious shall know both where the truth is, and what it is, and learning that he will be yet more and more Religious.
6. For never, O my Son, shall, or can that soul, which, while it is in the body, lightens and lifts up itself to know and comprehend that which is good and true, slide back to the contrary. For it is infinitely enamoured thereof, and forgetteth all evils; and when it hath learned and known its Father and Progenitor, it can no more apostatize or depart from that good.
7. And let this, O Son, be the end of Religion and Piety; whereunto thou art once arrived, thou shalt both live well and die blessedly, whilst thy soul is not ignorant wither it must return, and fly back again.
8. For this only, O Son, is the way to Truth, which our Progenitors travelled in; and by which making their journey, they at length attained to the good. It is a venerable way and plain, but hard and difficult for the soul to go in that is in the body.
9. For first must it war against its own self, and after much strife and dissention, it must be overcome of the part; for the contention is of one against two, whilst it flies away, and they strive to hold and detain it.
10. But the victory of both is not like, for the one hasteth to that which is Good, but the other is a neighbour to the things that are Evil; and that which is Good desireth to be set at liberty, but the things that are Evil love bondage and Slavery.
11. And if the two parts be overcome, they become quiet, and are content to accept of it as their Ruler; but if the one be overcome of the two, it is by them led and carried to be punished by its being and continuance here.
12. This is, O Son, the Guide in the way that leads thither; for thou must first forsake the Body before thy end, and get the victory in this contention and strifeful life, and when thou hast overcome, return."


http://www.sacred-texts.com/eso/pym/index.htm

Unbearable

Stuck in the past, having difficulty breathing, shocked by watching the dog die in misery today and carrying his cold dead body to his grave, being in silence having absolutely no contact with anyone outside this house, feeling pain and distress every day, going hungry and cold and weak because my brain feels heavy and clouded from not having any social life of any kind, not being touched by anyone, not having one person to talk to, not having anything to do, not having a job, not being able to be around people for too long, i can't rest, i can't sleep, i feel desperate, feeling like i'm being tortured is what it feels to be alive to me! I want to die right now, because i can't handle living like this for much longer. I'm so dead inside, i'm about to lose the strenght to move.💔😭As i'm dying here, i only wish i had one person who loved me. It's not worth being alive like this!!