APOCALYPSE

Apocalypse: (Ancient Greek: ἀποκάλυψις apokálypsis, from ἀπό and καλύπτω meaning "uncovering"), translated literally from Greek, is a disclosure of knowledge, an unveiling, a revelation, a disclosure of something hidden

(too bad, i had written a publication about this some timeago but i deleted it, because of its harsh content and details)

Every single individual needs an APOCALYPSE in their lives to uncover, reveal, unveil, TRUTH to them, which is what the meaning of the word is all about!
That is the only way there is to help everyone, but i can not do it, for i am in this human shape like everyone else, and i do not have the power to do it, and i know such an event will not take place again, for it already happened long ago.
I understand what needs to be done, despite not knowing how to do it. But still, if the power was passed on/down to me from "divinity" it would be for that purpose, and i would do it! But that is just something in my head, related to true care and being wrong and ignorant at the same time, it will never happen, i can not help everyone, they must suffer for being wrong and be corrected, and so do i.

Day: 23; Month: April; Year: doesn't matter anymore

Another birthday, another year still alive in this world.
Alone and lonely almost 23 hours a day, going for 11 years straight.
Some day i will deserve to die, and it will be good.

Meaningless

Occult(Hidden) Meaning of Life, put extremely simple by me, for you

In my own words, what people call "the meaning of life", not only can, but is must be known, for it is related to why you are here. It is the same for everyone, and has nothing to do with what people want. In fact, it is closer to the opposite of what people want, than anything else they can imagine. But even if, or when you find it, doesn't mean you understand it, or know how to do it. I certainly cannot, not yet, not as i am now. You can be guided to it, but that's just the beginning, long journey.

UNDERSTANDING

The Divine Pymander

HERMES TRISMEGISTUS, HIS FIRST BOOK

"1. O MY SON, write this First Book, both for Humanity's sake, and for Piety towards god.
2. For there can be no Religion more true or just, than to know the things that are; and to acknowledge thanks for all things, to Him that made them, which thing I shall not cease continually to do.
3. What then should a man do, O Father, to lead his life well; seeing there is nothing here true?
4. Be Pious and Religious, O my Son; for he that doth so, is the best and highest Philosopher, and without Philosophy it is impossible ever to attain to the height and exactness of Piety and Religion.
5. But he that shall learn and study the things that are, and how they are ordered and governed, and by whom, and for what cause, or to what end. Will acknowledge thanks to the Workman, as to a good Father, an excellent Nurse, and a faithful Steward, and he that gives thanks shall be Pious or Religious, and he that is Religious shall know both where the truth is, and what it is, and learning that he will be yet more and more Religious.
6. For never, O my Son, shall, or can that soul, which, while it is in the body, lightens and lifts up itself to know and comprehend that which is good and true, slide back to the contrary. For it is infinitely enamoured thereof, and forgetteth all evils; and when it hath learned and known its Father and Progenitor, it can no more apostatize or depart from that good.
7. And let this, O Son, be the end of Religion and Piety; whereunto thou art once arrived, thou shalt both live well and die blessedly, whilst thy soul is not ignorant wither it must return, and fly back again.
8. For this only, O Son, is the way to Truth, which our Progenitors travelled in; and by which making their journey, they at length attained to the good. It is a venerable way and plain, but hard and difficult for the soul to go in that is in the body.
9. For first must it war against its own self, and after much strife and dissention, it must be overcome of the part; for the contention is of one against two, whilst it flies away, and they strive to hold and detain it.
10. But the victory of both is not like, for the one hasteth to that which is Good, but the other is a neighbour to the things that are Evil; and that which is Good desireth to be set at liberty, but the things that are Evil love bondage and Slavery.
11. And if the two parts be overcome, they become quiet, and are content to accept of it as their Ruler; but if the one be overcome of the two, it is by them led and carried to be punished by its being and continuance here.
12. This is, O Son, the Guide in the way that leads thither; for thou must first forsake the Body before thy end, and get the victory in this contention and strifeful life, and when thou hast overcome, return."


http://www.sacred-texts.com/eso/pym/index.htm

Unbearable

Stuck in the past, having difficulty breathing, shocked by watching the dog die in misery today and carrying his cold dead body to his grave, being in silence having absolutely no contact with anyone outside this house, feeling pain and distress every day, going hungry and cold and weak because my brain feels heavy and clouded from not having any social life of any kind, not being touched by anyone, not having one person to talk to, not having anything to do, not having a job, not being able to be around people for too long, i can't rest, i can't sleep, i feel desperate, feeling like i'm being tortured is what it feels to be alive to me! I want to die right now, because i can't handle living like this for much longer. I'm so dead inside, i'm about to lose the strenght to move.💔😭As i'm dying here, i only wish i had one person who loved me. It's not worth being alive like this!!

Correlations of Collections without Relations 3

Little more than a year ago, during winter, i felt sick and cold in the afternoon, which wasn't uncommon, but some hours later i was shaking and definitely needed to go to bed, so i went. It was around 23:00, i had my clothes on, was covered to my mouth, my skin was feverish hot, but my body was shivering, i was crying, and it hurt. I spent almost one hour like that. It was so strange, because the next day i felt "normal" again.
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I never met someone like me, whatever that means.
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What's up with women, and their sense of balance? Takeshi's Castle.
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I wish i could talk to the first humans.
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4 years of severe P.T.S.D. of Abandonment, eating away at my brain. My fault, my guilt, 'til death puts an end to it.
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*sigh* What's the point...
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Last year i went to a gym for a few months, i would spend around 2 hours training, every 2 days. That was the best i've ever felt these past 5 to 9 years.
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Crying is useless, i learned that many years ago.
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Uh~~... i'm tired of everything around me, yet i can't even rest properly, it's been 5 years since i last slept well.(i may have written this twice, hope not, but it's not even worth the time to check, because only 6 to 10 people are going to read this)
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Your problems cannot be solved with drugs.
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I wish i had a friend, only one.😢
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Don't do as i do, do as i say.
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Nozomi... it felt as if there were only two people in the entire world, and then she disappeared, leaving me all alone to die.
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*screaming*AAAAAGONNYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!
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Music is not just to listen to. You'll have to figure it out what that means.
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Why do i like Japan so much? Because it's so far away from here, so different, so interesting!
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I know exactly what insanity is, to do the same thing, expecting different results! The story of my life. Bah~~!
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Eating fruit is healthy, drinking fruit juice is not.
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I may have spent 70 to 80 thousand hours alone these past 11 years, can't really be certain, but it's close. Well, i could cry a river of tears, but i already feel like i'm drowning.
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You don't choose the family you're born into.
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(only red)Roses are red, Violets are violet(obviously), These stupid little poems aren't funny(!), And neither is this.
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It's almost certain now, that i will never try to kill myself again."IT'S CRUEL!!" were my only words as i was trying the last time.
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Poor dog, can't even get up and drink water anymore, his kidneys don't work, and he cannot be cured, will be put to sleep forever tomorrow morning. So many years, so much suffering... he deserved better.🐶

Correlations of Collections without Relations 2

People who pretend to be suffering from something i suffer from, when all they want is attention, make me feel angry, but i don't tell them anything anymore. And yes, i am able to sense fakery, if i had experienced the real deal. Don't try to pretend you're an expert on suffering, spoiled child! You, with nice skin, new clothes, clean homes, friends, boyfriend/girlfriend, supporting family, job, car, money, happiness, good health, social life, hobbies, new gadgets, plentiful foods and drinks, house appliances, pets, big houses, parties, pleasures, and childish smiles, WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT SUFFERING?!
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When i was little i had a cat at home, his name was Tommy, for some reason! He would jump the back wall to the neighbour's house, and when he came back, he'd hide under the kitchen table. Once he had fleas. What happened to him?
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I absolutely ADORE travelling, but i don't have the money or company to satisfy that passion of mine. Great, now i feel miserable again...
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When in doubt, don't do it!
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Look at the horizon sideways. Look up until you see only the night sky around you.
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It's past lunch time, and i haven't eaten anything yet, again. I'm going to prepare something to eat, or my body will start complaining again, damn human body, trap for me(soul)! And people actually enjoy being here? Un-freaking-believable!!!
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The oldest, or youngest(?), memory i have is from when i was around 6 years old, or young(?). I was here in the street, at a friend's house with him, his grandfather and another friend or two. His grandfather said something like the first one to the church wins an icecream, later we ran up the street to the church, up the steps like a race, and to the top.
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Don't watch television!
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People ruin everything.
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I just sat here, staring into oblivion. My brain is hurting again, i want it removed! *DISTRESS* I still can't believe i never had even one person, who wanted to be with me! NOT! EVEN! ONE! "True Love" my ass, what was i thinking?!! *ANGUISH*
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The best place to be, is wherever other people are not. That said, having land and house of your own is the best, having a free to leave prison cell in a building in some city is the worst. Don't even want to go deeper into this, i've done this before!
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It's not like if i could, i wouldn't live a so called "normal life".
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I see dead people! They're everywhere. (allegory)
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These things aren't writen in order, it's always a work in progress, edit kind of thing.
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I don't have a person to talk to, so i have to talk to myself, or sometimes write here. and delete the worst of the worst.
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When i let my beard grow for a week or more, i end up not liking how i look, but i'm trying it now, just because i never went this far before.
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Many years ago, i enjoyed reading magazines and books, but eventually i stopped buying them. It's not like i'm not interested in them aymore, but reading, with the amounts of stress that flow through my body when i'm in this house, around these people, alone, i just want headphones, music, and internet.
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I've always been alone, i'm alone now, and i'm going to die alone, not because i want to, but i don't deserve any better.
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Once i was walking home, steps away from the front door, when something hits my head! I look around, and there's a sparrow on the ground, then it flies away.
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Practically everything i drink now is water. Maybe milk sometimes, rarely lemon+honey, tea or coffee.
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I know WHAT the purpose of Life is,(that's how most call it so that's how i wrote it), so i can sense immediately everything else that is not it, but i don't know HOW to fulfill it. I discovered it after i went through an Apocalypse, in the true meaning of the word.
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Spinning ballerina, change directions with your brain.
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I can't function as a human being anymore...

Correlations of Collections without Relations 1

Smiling is not for me, if i do it, it's not on purpose, i swear!
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One a day is enough, huh, hum, oh, i forgot... No comments please.
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How wrong i was, when many years ago, i told a jeovah's witness at my door that "i was my own god"! Such was my weakness and ignorance at the time, i had allowed "new(old) age" lies and buddhism to poison my head. When i see individuals saying they're gods, i don't even want to have any contact with them.
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I enjoy lifting weights, but i'm ot in a gym anymore, and being here is so depressing, there's days i barely move.
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IO MaleFemale InputOutput PenetratorPenetratee PenisVagina. LOOK AT THE POWER BUTTON, IT'S SEX TO YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS! OH, THE IMMORALITY HIDDEN IN SIMBOLYSM...
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'Tis not the hand, you're looking for.
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Schizophrenia... hah! It never really came to my head to accept that, "hey, i have that too!". I never really bothered. It's just +1 problem to me. Maybe i'm so deep into it, that i barely notice anymore.
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(-: what? i don't always feel like writing! this one, will be left, blank :-)
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9 numbers in total then, 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 then, well then, that makes 10 then. If everything starts, then, from 0 except THE EVERYTHING, then my life started, then from 0 too, then, why hasn't it then left 0 yet, then, yet?
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Aprende uma língua nova, ou faz tradução, ao menos isso.
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My bodyweight seems to be stable at 98kg since i left the gym, but im not as strong and active as i used to be during the summer, I do miss those times, even if i had to walk alone.
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I really need to learn how to cook everything i could ever need, at least the basics, and it's not like what i can cook now isn't enough, because it is.
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4+2+3!=HELP ME DIE! Wow, i just noticed, it's my birthday, right after i wrote it! If you put the month first, that is.
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Ancient languages and civilizations are so interesting, the more ancient the better, but what was there before what history(?) is heavilly promoted to the peoples of this world? I wonder what happened before 5 or 6 thousand years ago. I wasn't there, so i don't know. But i'd like to know what happened in the beginning, and be there, to see experience how humanity started, and, well, since i'm at it, how EVERYTHING started. =^_^= miau!
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I decided to write 23 phrases for these things, the last one being out of bounds, fringe stuff. Whatever, i'm not thinking twice about this!
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DON'T SCREAM AT PEOPLE! It's so stressful and rude.
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Dogs are such nice people.
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You are not what you eat, but what you eat influences how you feel.
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Can you stop being so active now, brain? Jeez, cheese, Mary-Louise, give me a break. Oh! Right, the brain is already split in half, ain't it? (inserted Goodness Gracious Me non-reference)
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Psychiatric ward is the closest thing to a prison inside a hospital.
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When it's very cold around here, in the winter, my back hurts.
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My left eye can handle sunlight better than my right eye, in general, it sees better, clearly my dominant eye.
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It's midnight, there's nothing to do, my body is tired to the bones, so, i'm going to bed.

 Hmmm...   *thinking to myself*

 Bathroom first.

 Now to bed.

 Turn off the light, and...

Get comfy~~     SWEET DREAMS!