23 of April 2018

This is the day i hate the most, yet i did nothing different, spent it alone day and night, like usual.
I can't stop thinking what will happen once my mother dies, and i have to live completely alone, when i don't even have a job, a friend, a social life, no will to live, i can't feel happiness or joy, i can't stand being around people because they're so immoral, disgusting, gullible, ignorant, and there's so many things i hate and have to stay away from.
All i am is a burden, a shadow, a failure.
No wonder i've always been alone, and nothing good ever happened to me, i was born to suffer.
So, another year completed here, in hell.
"Happy birthday", they say?
That's because they haven't suffered enough pain and misery yet, to realize what they are, and where they are, so that they finaly want to get out of here.
What sin did i commit, to deserve this most cruel punishment, of being forced to live in this world against my will?

My Birthday

(i deleted around 20 of my publications and some of my Youtube videos, because they talked about way too much pain and suffering and were very unpleasant and useless, apparently. I do miss them somewhat, because they did explain almost my entire life and who i am and what happened and why i want to leave this world and never come back, a.s.a.p.. Now i wish i hadn't deleted them, but they wouldn't bring me love anyway. Nevermind.)

So, today, April 23rd, 09:30 in the morning, is my Birthday!

I actually don't celebrate anything, i don't even have a friend to be with and feel, something... anything... good!?

I really don't feel any better today than any other day, i haven't been to any birthday party in more than 9 years, including my own, i wouldn't even be able to feel anything good if i tried to because i have nothing to compare it with, and, what am i talking about anyway?
Well, at least this year i get to enjoy a small part of the day during my daily trip to the Gym, the bus ride, walking through the city, getting there, doing my training, i feel much better there, since it's located in a very nice place, Praia da Rocha, and despite not walking up to where these pictures show, it's close enough.