23 of April 2018

This is the day i hate the most, yet i did nothing different, spent it alone day and night, like usual.
I can't stop thinking what will happen once my mother dies, and i have to live completely alone, when i don't even have a job, a friend, a social life, no will to live, i can't feel happiness or joy, i can't stand being around people because they're so immoral, disgusting, gullible, ignorant, and there's so many things i hate and have to stay away from.
All i am is a burden, a shadow, a failure.
No wonder i've always been alone, and nothing good ever happened to me, i was born to suffer.
So, another year completed here, in hell.
"Happy birthday", they say?
That's because they haven't suffered enough pain and misery yet, to realize what they are, and where they are, so that they finaly want to get out of here.
What sin did i commit, to deserve this most cruel punishment, of being forced to live in this world against my will?

I need Love too!

"Humm... i adore the warmth of your body!"

I need constant communication.
I want to be with someone all the time.
I want to know that someone is listening to me.
Being ignored hurts so bad.

I don't want to be alone anymore!

I want to be together, feel her warmth, eat with her, cuddle, hug, hold hands, kiss, fall asleep next to her, and all those things i never had, and still don't even understand what it is or how it feels like!
It hurts that no one has time for me, and i always have time, and yet, i always end up being alone.
I get sad.
So sad...
I want someone to be with me as much as possible.
Alone, all i feel is pain, and i always end up hurting myself…

If, i could choose?

I would choose to live with people who do not want to hurt me!

 I would want to have my own privacy!

 I would want to live a healthy and safe life!

I would want to be "loved" and i would "love" back 3 times more!

But that would be only if, i could choose...