23 of April 2018

This is the day i hate the most, yet i did nothing different, spent it alone day and night, like usual.
I can't stop thinking what will happen once my mother dies, and i have to live completely alone, when i don't even have a job, a friend, a social life, no will to live, i can't feel happiness or joy, i can't stand being around people because they're so immoral, disgusting, gullible, ignorant, and there's so many things i hate and have to stay away from.
All i am is a burden, a shadow, a failure.
No wonder i've always been alone, and nothing good ever happened to me, i was born to suffer.
So, another year completed here, in hell.
"Happy birthday", they say?
That's because they haven't suffered enough pain and misery yet, to realize what they are, and where they are, so that they finaly want to get out of here.
What sin did i commit, to deserve this most cruel punishment, of being forced to live in this world against my will?

Day of the Week and its Planet - 5 - Thursday - Jupiter

"After i lost my will to live 4 years ago, the food doesn't taste the same, the air is always heavy, the body is always tired, and the mind just won't turn the f#ck off and let me rest for 1 single day, so everything i do is a chore, everything fails, everything is difficult, i can't stand being constantly forced to do something i know in advance will end up hurting me, or just to stay alive, and to make it much worse, loneliness, depression, and trauma make sure i can only handle my miserable life by being isolated at home!"

 

 

Day of the Week and its Planet - 4 - Wednesday - Mercury

"I truly care and i try hard, but Life always ends up making me realize i am cursed to be alone forever, because if i don't initiate a conversation then not even one person ever talks to me or remembers me, and i always end up being forgotten or abandoned once i stop giving attention, so i feel no joy in being alive, no happiness, no good feelings, receive nothing good from anyone, can't even accept them anymore, have no will to try again, don't know what to do anymore, all i keep seeing in my future is a slow, miserable, and painful death, which i never wanted, and what did i do to deserve it?"