Day of the Week and its Planet - 6 - Friday - Venus

"Being threatened, hated, abused, ignored, degraded, and blamed for problems i did not create, by the people who live in the same house i do, or people who don't even know who i am, feeling stress and anxiety and discomfort basically every day, and having nowhere else to go live to, no support, and no help from anyone, how am i supposed to make my life better and stop suffering?"

 

 

Day of the Week and its Planet - 3 - Tuesday - Mars

"I only hurt myself because i am always alone, but if i deserved to be loved and cared by the woman i love even half as much as i love and care about her, the majority of my problems would be solved, my suffering would stop, and my life would be a living dream come true i can barely imagine."

 

 

 

Day of the Week and its Planet - 1 - Sunday - Sun (the only exception)

"The best help anyone can give me, is to help me get out of this damned accursed hateful house, FOREVER!!!"

 

 

 

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder of Abandonment

I suffer from this every day and night, it started in my childhood, became severe 4 years ago, but hit me with intense hours of mental agony and physical pain last year. I didn't even know i had P.T.S.D. as well!

 

P.T.S.D. of Abandonment

"The intense emotional crisis of abandonment can create a trauma severe enough to leave an emotional imprint on individuals’ psychobiological functioning, affecting their future choices and responses to rejection, loss, or disconnection.  Following an abandonment experience in childhood or adulthood, some people develop a sequela of post traumatic symptoms which share sufficient features with post traumatic stress disorder to be considered a subtype of this diagnostic category.

As with other types of post trauma, the symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder of abandonment range from mild to severe.  PTSD of abandonment is a psychobiological condition in which earlier separation traumas interfere with current life.  An earmark of this interference is intrusive anxiety which often manifests as a pervasive feeling of insecurity – a primary source of self sabotage in our primary relationships and in achieving long range goals.  Another earmark is a tendency to compulsively reenact our abandonment scenarios through repetitive patterns, i.e., abandoholism – being attracted to the unavailable.
Another factor of abandonment post trauma is for victims to be plagued with diminished self esteem and heightened vulnerability within social contexts (including the workplace) which intensifies their need to buttress their flagging ego strength with defense mechanisms which can be automatically discharged and whose intention is to protect the narcissistically injured self from further rejection, criticism, or abandonment.  These habituated defenses are often maladaptive to their purpose in that they can create emotional tension and jeopardize our emotional connections.

Victims of abandonment trauma can also have emotional flashbacks that flood us with feelings ranging from mild anxiety to intense panic in response to triggers that we may or may not be conscious of.  Once our abandonment fear is triggered, it can lead to what Daniel Goleman calls emotional hijacking.  During an emotional hijacking, the emotional brain has taken over, leaving its victims feeling a complete loss of control over their own lives, at least momentarily.  If emotional hijacking occurs frequently enough, its chronic emotional excesses can lead to self-depreciation and isolation and give rise to secondary conditions such as chronic depression, anxiety, obsessive thinking, negative narcissism, and addiction.
Post Traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a disease of the amygdala – the emotional center of the brain responsible for initiating the Fight Flee Freeze response.  In PTSD, the amygdala is set on overdrive to keep us in a perpetual state of hyper-vigilance, action-ready to declare a state of emergency should it perceive any threat even vaguely reminiscent of the original trauma. The amygdala, acting as the brain’s warning system, is constantly working to protect (overprotect) us from any possibility of further injury.  In the post trauma related specifically to abandonment, the amygdala scans the environment for potential threats to our attachments to our sense of self.

People with PTSD of abandonment can have heightened emotional responses to abandonment triggers that are often considered insignificant by others. For instance, depending on circumstances, when we feel slighted, criticized, or excluded, it can instigate an emotional hijacking and jeopardize our personal or professional life.

Below, are some of the other issues related to post traumatic stress disorder of abandonment:
30 Characteristics of post traumatic stress disorder of abandonment
This list is meant to be descriptive, rather than exhaustive of the many issues related to the abandonment syndrome.  

1. An intense fear of abandonment that interferes in forming primary relationships in adulthood.
2. Intrusive insecurity that interferes in your social life and goal achievement.
3. Tendency toward self defeating behavior patterns that sabotage your love life, goals, or career.
4. A tendency to repeatedly subject yourself to people or experiences that lead to another loss and another trauma.
5. Intrusive reawakening of old losses; echoes of old feelings of vulnerability and fear which interfere in current experience.
6. Heightened memories of traumatic separations and other events.
7. Conversely, partial or complete memory blocks of childhood traumas.
8. Feelings of emotional detachment, i.e. feeling numb to past losses.
9. Conversely, difficulty letting go of the painful feelings of old rejections and losses.
10. Episodes of self-neglectful or self destructive behavior.
11. Difficulty withstanding (and overreacting to) the customary emotional ups and downs of adult relationships.
12. Difficulty working through the ordinary levels of conflict and disappointment within adult relationships.
13. Extreme sensitivity to perceived rejections, exclusions or criticisms.
14. Emotional pendulum swing between fear of engulfment and fear of abandonment; you alternate between ‘feeling the walls close in’ if someone gets too close and feeling on a precipice of abandonment if you are not sure of the person.
15. Difficulty feeling the affection and other physical comforts offered by a willing partner.
16. Tendency to ‘get turned off’ and ‘lose the connection’ by involuntarily shutting down romantically and/or sexually on a willing partner.
17. Conversely, tendency to feel hopelessly hooked on a partner who is emotionally distancing.
18. Tendency to have emotional hangovers ‘the morning after’ someone has triggered your abandonment feelings.
19. Difficulty naming your feelings or sorting through an emotional fog.
20. Abandophobism – a tendency to avoid close relationships altogether to avoid risk of abandonment.
21. Conversely, a tendency to rush into relationships and clamp on too quickly.
22. Difficulty letting go because you have attached with emotional epoxy, even when you know your partner is no longer able to fulfill your needs.
23. An excessive need for control, whether it’s about the need to control others’ behavior and thoughts, or about being excessively self-controlled; a need to have everything perfect and done your way.
24. Conversely, a tendency to create chaos by avoiding responsibility, procrastinating, giving up control to others, and feeling out of control.
25. Tendency to have unrealistic expectations and heightened reactivity toward others such that it creates conflict and burns bridges to your social connections.
26. People-pleasing – excessive need for acceptance or approval.
27. Co-dependency issues in which you give too much of yourself to others and feel you don’t get enough back.
28. Tendency to act impulsively without being able to put the brakes on, even when you are aware of the negative consequences.
29. Tendency toward unpredictable outbursts of anger.
30. Conversely, tendency to under-react to anger out of fear of breaking the connection and your extreme aversion to ‘not being liked’."

Today’s Trauma

During the initial stage of abandonment called shattering, the word trauma is used frequently.  In fact, feeling abandoned by one’s primary love object is in and of itself a trauma, not post trauma.  It is a legitimate initial trauma.

When faced with an abandonment crisis, whether it is the result of a recent breakup or an accumulation of abandonment wounds stemming from cyclical past losses and heartbreaks, or whether it stems from loss of a job, loss of a friend, or loss of one’s home or health, people describe feeling the rug pulled out from beneath them and shattering their dreams as traumatic.

In the throes of abandonment trauma, we experience many of the same symptoms as victims of other types of trauma such as rape or physical attack. A difference is that abandonment is not always recognized as a legitimate form of trauma, yet the shock, numbing, disorientation, outbursts of anger, sleep and appetite disturbance, agitation, increased risk-taking, etc. are all symptoms of trauma.  Another difference is that abandonment is not a single event like a train crash, but a sustained type of trauma whose stress builds momentum as we grapple with the ongoing rigors of the abandonment grief process.

What goes into making abandonment a traumatizing event?

The emotional volcano of abandonment unleashes a torrent of primal emotions that overwhelm us.  Molten lava spews from the rock bottom of our emotional core ripping up through our freshly opened abandonment wound.  No wonder the event is traumatizing!  Technically speaking, being rejected by one’s love object triggers primal abandonment fear – the fear of being left by one’s source of vital sustenance.

Abandonment, our first fear, is in response to being expelled from our mother’s womb.  This sensation is stored in the amygdala – the site of emotional memory responsible for conditioning the brain’s fight/freeze/flight response.  The emotional memory is intact enough at or before birth to lay down traces of the feelings and sensations of birth trauma as well as some prenatal antecedents. These primitive feelings can be reawakened by later events, especially those reminiscent of unwanted or abrupt separations from our attachments.

In adult abandonment, these primitive sensations become activated, creating terror and panic.  As the old infantile urgencies emerge into the current crisis, it precipitates a symbiotic regression in which we feel unable to survive without our loved one.  We become suffused with the intense stress of helplessness, especially as we try to compel our loved one to return but remain unsuccessful in doing so. This failure to compel can cause us to judge ourselves as having experiencing this ‘limited capacity’ is sufficiently traumatic to produce a fault line in the psyche which renders us more vulnerable to break down emotionally when faced with problems in our relationships.

Another trauma-inducing factor is the stress of losing our background object. A background object is someone on whom we have come to rely for myriad needs that we take for granted, such as the need to belong.  We don’t realize how important our background object is to our sense of security until the object is gone.  Unbeknownst to us, the relationship served as a mutual regulatory system, not only emotionally, but physically.  As members of a couple, we became external regulators for one another. Multiple psychobiological systems helped to maintain each other’s equilibrium. We were attuned on many levels: our pupils dilated in synchrony, we echoed one another’s speech patterns, movements, and even cardiac and EEG rhythms.

As the emotional and bio-physiological effects mount, the stressful process is heightened by the knowledge that it was not we, but our partner who chose withdraw from the bond, leaving us to suffer intense emotional responses that are easy to misinterpret as evidence of being weak and lacking attachment-worthiness.

Signs of Abandonment’s Current Traumatic Stress    

When individuals are in the shattering phase of abandonment trauma, it is within normal range for them to have the following responses: shock and disorientation, depersonalization, de-realization, emotional collapse and despair, collapse of self confidence, panic, symbiotic regression, disordered sleep, separation anxiety especially upon awakening, dysregulation/disorganization, reality distortion, self neglectful behaviors, increased use of substances, spurts of explosive rage, withdrawal, fatigue, agitation, and suicidal ideations.
As the trauma cycle progresses, individuals go on to feel depressed, agitated, and emotionally labile. They experience intense yearning for the lost object, diminished self esteem, pervasive separation anxiety, obsessive thoughts about the circumstances of the breakup and the possibilities for reuniting, feelings of neediness, desperation, and overreliance on others alternating with periods of self isolation."

Initiation into the Mysteries

(nothing man or woman can do will ever be perfect)

How do you talk to someone about something so extremely important, but that you cannot fully explain? Something that is above, beyond and superior to anything and everything that anyone may know, understand, care about, believe in, do, say, write, wish, imagine or experience in any other possible way, as a human, in this place?

I face such a dilemma sometimes, and personally every day.

But this is not about me, what this is all about does not belong to me, knowledge is property of none, it is always passed on, so was mine, from people, books, nature, animals, intuition, other senses, also tools used commonly for perverse reasons, such as the internet and television, or any other possible interaction with anything that exists in this place, and in the mind.

Ignorance abounds, billions of lost souls now wander this, "material world", without self control, swimming through illusions, acting in fear, being programed unconsciously, living in the world that is created for them, and i do not see a development in Consciousness coming sooner or later, but instead fading away, the more individuals become just another one in another group which seeks to make them all the same dumbed down version of themselves and keep them not knowing, and more importantly, not caring...

The sea of unnecessary problems, this civilization as a whole suffers from every day,  can be diminished and corrected, starting with simple and necessary questions that will alter their current state of development, no matter who, when, why, what, where, or how, these questions must be asked by everyone who eventualy is lowered into this place.

Who Am I ?
What Am I ?
Where Am I ?

Those are the single most important questions you should ask yourself, and dedicate your time to search for the answers, untill you leave your current body, and hopefully, not have do it all over again from where you were at before you failed, if that is indeed a fact.

You certainly know many things, and believe in many others, your experiences made you the person you are now, as did your environment, family, friends, etc. The conditions you live in were already in place before you came here and you adapted to them, even if unconsciously, they were created by those who desire to keep you in ignorance, and through your limited understanding, make you willfully consent and allow, even ask, for their control over you, and that justifies their existance.

People often have problems of different types, some appear as if out of nothing, others manifest when certain conditions are present, some last months, years, or even for a whole human life time. Usually an individual blames another, or a group, even something that does not exist, as the responsible for their suffering, when in reality, there is only one person that causes their problems, and you can find that responsible one, by simply looking into a mirror.

Yes, that's it, you are the one responsible, you have the authority, you have the sovereignty, you have to take action, you have to solve your problems, and only you can do it.

You have Free Will, and therefore make your own choices, being responsible for them, be them moral, correct, positive, "true good", or not.

If you are walking on a street, and a person for some reason says "you idiot, get out of my way", it is not your problem, it is their problem. The act of a person externalizing their problem into another or something, attempting to pass on responsibility for what is wrong with them, is never a problem of it's target, but of the individual from which it was initiated and in fact came from.

Do not be mad at the wrong individual.

Others are not to blame for your problems, you are. By saying you have a problem of any sort, you are it's source, and none other can be blamed for it, but as we know, many people don't understand this and assume responsibility for other people's problems, which cannot and should not be given away.

Responsibility.

You should never give responsibility away, but you do it every day, and one of the easiest examples is through the use of money. Money does not exist, it is a fabrication of the human mind for the sole purpose of controlling your life. Banks "create" it out of nothing in computers and lend what they don't have, the individuals become slaves to a debt created from money that never existed, and never will, making it impossible to pay back, for it's only reason it to limit, not allow.

People give themselves, their bodies, and their time, for nothing! Money does not exist! It is make-believe! If you can ever see the illusion, and what people are trully doing every day to themselves and others, you will get so sick and suffer so much you will be shocked in disbelief!

But that's not all it serves for, money is used to give your responsibility away, you are hungry, you don't want to have to grow, tend, pick, cook, protect, keep, spend your time, taking care of having food to eat, so you give money to someone else to get the food you want or is available, to you. Anything else you don't want to be responsible for doing, you give money to another person, for that person to do it for you.

That is giving away your responsibility, and it should never be done, nobody should give away their responsibility, because that creates a slave-master relationship, or dependancy, and keeps your personal development at a basic level, so you will never even understand that you are a slave, even less start the hard work that is achieving freedom.

I won't even write about goverment, religion, sex, or other such abominations of mind control and slavery, or i'd have to add 500 lines more to this text.

Everyone i know and see is born into a system of control, they are told what to do, how to behave, what to say, who to obey, and they don't even realize it at the basic level. An example of how it works is school. In a school they tell you how it is, instead of you go search for It, so it's the opposite of what you should be doing. People don't even know this! Children are sent to schools by parents who do not want to assume responsability to raise their own children, teach them a correct way of living, take care of them, keep them safe from harm, know who they are, spend time with them, help them with the hardships of human life, answer their questions, and so on, either because they don't understand what they are doing wrong, and so that you know, what you don't understand or ignore still affects you, or because they feel they have to use their time to serve some other purpose that is not their own, liking it or not, which is obvious that if you are doing something that causes you suffering in any way, you should stop doing it, because it's obviously working aggainst you, and that applies at different levels of reality and understanding.

You learn nothing good for you in schools, unless it's practical, and even that  is what they want you to know so it may work against you, the more years you spend there. Sounds contradicting, but it is simply explained. In school, you are given different information about different aspects of life, and you are told to believe that what was chosen by people you don't know, for reasons you don't understand, about subjects you never asked for, are for your own development, your own "good", that you need them and everyone has to do the same they're told, or suffer consequences of disobeying, going against "teacher's" will, grown ups will, "adult's" will. You learn how to be a slave to the system in school.

Indoctrination.

You do not learn, you memorize. You eat as much information as you can, and then regurgitate it back when asked, commanded, as well as during exams. The more you remember, the more pleased the "teacher" and other indoctrinated "adults" who support the school system will be, rewarding you with something you don't need, like praise, fame, money, envy, "material objects", etc, leading you into believing that you did something right, when you did something wrong.

You can see it at work in many different ways, through many different systems of control and make-believe.

It is mind control. One of the most abundant and enforced examples of mind control that exists, and for being so obvious and manipulative, few ever even notice it. Schools indoctrinate children, and anyone else who might frequent such institutions, by telling them that what they are there to learn is not only necessary, but true, reality, how everything works, what they should believe in, and make them become one of them, through their own perversions, maintaining the system, making people accept it, to the point of attacking those who do not want to be indoctrinated. Those who are at the top of the "social pyramid", have the desire to allow the people to know or believe in what they choose for them, and lead them away from Truth, with capital T, the real Truth, that exists since the Beginning, that is present everywhere, at everytime, all around you, wanting to be known by you, It cannot be hidden or contained, and i can tell you, that It Exists, and It Is the same for everyone.

Truth.

But don't believe what i write, or what anyone else writes or says, unless you can verify it through your own research. If you decide to be like the vast majority of lost souls wandering this place, not knowing what their duty is, and not wanting to develop True Care, then do as you will, and accept the consequences, either you are aware, understand or ignore them, there are always consequences. If you have the ability to state the obvious, you'll know what i mean.

As i was writing, schools are such an unbelievably horrible place to send your children, that if i had any, i would not, i repeat, not send my children to a school, or let them be vaccinated, or let them consume "fake food", processed "foods", artificial "foods", which are poison, and not natural, created to lower your quality of life, to make you feel bad, make you sick, limit your personal development, become easier to manipulate. Doing a very serious research about those subjects and others you should know about is to be done before even having children, their lives should be prepared with anticipation, because babies are not tools to satisfy you, for whatever reason you may have, and you are most important to them  until they reach 6 years old or so, so those young years are the ones when you can do the most "good" for them.

I advise you not to let anyone interfere in your will, if you are serving the Higher Will, not through peer pressure, not through the fear of their own ignorance, not for threats of violence of any kind, which is an abomination to even think about, comiting an act of violence, be it against the self, or another, which would also be hurting the Self, unlike the vast majority believes.

If people used some of their given time, to stop and think, avoid the Cause so that they don't have to suffer the Effect, life would become easier to manage, and it would help to find the correct path.

This should be enough, many important and interesting subjects were left out of this long text, but since it's my first time writing something like this, this long, i think it's plenty and more, for the uninitiated.

Do your own research, into anything you desire to know, you will need it while you're here, and you'll need it when your time comes.

If, i could choose?

I would choose to live with people who do not want to hurt me!

 I would want to have my own privacy!

 I would want to live a healthy and safe life!

I would want to be "loved" and i would "love" back 3 times more!

But that would be only if, i could choose...