While in a body, physical connection has far less importance than people believe it does, because anyone can touch someone else either by accident or help or desire or violence or rape. How important can the physical be then, if anyone can do anything to anyone else provided there's a chance and will to do so, with any motive behind it?
To feel a person's body, her weight, her warmth, her breath, that means the soul is there giving life to that body, but someday she eventually leaves the body and then it dies, there's no more weight, or warmth, or breath anymore. That person is gone to some other place. How close can two souls get? Is it even possible for two individuals to become one? Can the hope of meeting after death become true?
To live in the same state of mind. Accept without distinction or worry. Sharing food, desire, and life. Affection without shame. Ardent embrace. To unite with someone, and be together, more than these physical bodies allow. Transcending the bond of humanly possible.
For more than half of my Life, i had a dream, as a wrote in this blog long ago, i called that dream, True Love! That dream started when i was very young when i would try, but could never connect with anyone. This feeling that some day i'd live it for myself like the adults, and know what it is to have someone just for me, we'd be happy and live together and belong to each other and finally know what it feels like to not be alone, started to grow inside me, we would be together every day, eat together, walk together, help each other, take care of each other, be always truthful, and live a romance i can't even imagine! Over the years it developed and increased in intensity. I wanted to be truly loved, married at age 23, and have 3 babies. I wanted to have a baby girl who looked like her mother so much, and give her everything good i never had. Children are the nicest people in the world, absolutely lovely and adorable.
I never had interest in pleasure or fun, it never made sense to me, i was only searching for one person, the one and only, and i kept it to myself, because other people would not understand me and hurt me even more.
Many years after, i found myself alone at home having failed at everything, without social life, a job, friends, finding "her", money, good health, joy, a car, any interest in normal life, all i still wanted was to be truly loved. More time went by, everything about my existence became horrible and painful, so much that one day i realized my life was nothing more than being alone in my bedroom, and then i decided to kill myself. After failing i went insane, drank lots of alcohol and passed out at the hospital crying and saying i wanted to die. That next day was when i lost the will to live. For the next years, there was only the desire to just disappear from this world and never come back, i was simply letting myself die alone at home. And one day, she entered my life. To put it simple, traumatic feelings triggered by the suffering and pain she shared with me, and my own, made me both want to comfort her and be comforted by her, i identified with her, became attached to her, and thus created my emotional bond and she awakened my dream as the physical representation of it, without me realizing, it was out of control. This may be hard to believe, but, it felt as if... i had found my Soulmate! The one and only woman i had waited for my entire Life! The ideal person for me. "True Love"
I don't know if there's any connection between Souls that transcends the physical, or if it's even possible to be united in such a way, and continue beyond death, all i know is what i felt. She somehow caused the strongest impression on me. "I have to do everything to keep her in my Life." She struck me like lightning to my heart, my brain was fueled by her. She was the only person who cared about me, and had interest in my life, my only friend. Also appearances aren't really important, but to me, she was gorgeous! It was like i had never seen a woman in my entire Life. Everything about her fascinated me, i couldn't have enough of her. It felt like she was like me somehow, and we emotionally fit like 2 pieces of a 2 piece puzzle. I trusted her. She was my friend as much as possible and i hers. She was the only person who made me feel better. There was no one else but her in my mind. She made me want to live again. I felt like i had finally found the person i was looking for, and we were meant to be together.
But, my life was ruined from before, and we couldn't even be together because of the distance. I wasn't fully aware of reality because i was in a very bad mental state. All of this is too much, i know, i am ridiculous, sick, worthless, traumatized, hopeless, insane, that's me, and i don't care, because if this had no value, then nothing i've ever done in my life had any value!
I do not understand why she was so precious to me, why would she be? Why do i still remember her everyday, when she is so far away, living her Life, and does not even remember i exist! Why then? I mean nothing to her, so why? After she was gone without warning, life for me became unbearable, i spent 2 months crying myself to sleep, feeling lost like an abandoned child, anxious, living in disbelief, psychologically disturbed. I searched for her so damn much i couldn't eat or rest, months later i tried to forget her, to no avail. Then i became very ill to a whole new level, lost interest in everything, tried to kill myself again, and isolated myself from everyone, did horrible things to myself, and spent 3 years day and night alone at home wanting to die everyday, numb, silent, a grief-stricken walking dead despised by everyone and hated by my own mother.
I never got better, could never recover, it goes way back before her, so she's not to blame for anything, really, i am! I just feel less miserable after my stay at the hospital, since i started going out everyday and doing what i can manage for myself.
My heart desires no one else, even after more than 3 years! If it was possible and she truly wanted to be with me, together everyday, even if she had severe health problems, no money, no family, no home, it would make no difference, i would accept her. All i wanted was to be with her, unite and warm each other's bodies, share the same desire, breathe the same air, eat the same food, feel her body on top of mine, be touched, kissed, caressed, become one with her, live for each other, i would always take care of her, as long as she was mine and only mine i would be hers as well. I know how silly all of this looks, but this is me, being a hopeless romantic deluded stupid fool who's always been alone, who has nothing but 4 walls around him and pain inside his body and torment in his head, that don't go away...
Later, when i found out the meaning of her name and how it related to my Life, i realized what i had lost completely was not just her, but what she represented! I couldn't think about anything else anymore, having to sleep from exhaustion after crying, agony took over my life, and this continued for time immemorial. I just wanted to be loved by one person once in my Life, instead, i ended up being absolutely alone, it's not fair! Somehow i am hopelessly lovesick and severely traumatized at the same time, i can't feel any joy or happiness(whatever that is), i don't smile or have fun, i don't touch or talk to anyone unless i really have to, i can't think clearly or sleep well anymore.
I can't believe she didn't even care to say goodbye to me, it hurts me to no end! Just proves how worthless i am, everyone can just abandon me to go be "happy" somewhere else with someone else, i never had a chance. If my "True Love" is worthless then i just want death to take me! So, what have i been doing all these years? I've been alone at home. Why? I can't really explain it, but i failed at everything, then extreme loneliness pulled me in and consumed me, i simply lost the will to live when i realized what my Life had become, tried to end myself, and never felt it again. Being alone is all i know and remember, yet i never asked for it. I don't belong anywhere.
I have not, and will not ever care about anyone anymore. When an important person disappears from our lives, no one else can take their place, there are no substitutes. There's nothing worth living for, i can only hate being forced to stay alive, it's pure torture, i haven't received the slightest amount of affection from anyone, i basically grew up cold and untouched. I make a tremendous effort to stay alive, and get no reward for it whatsoever, nothing good ever happened to me! No one understands how i feel, since August 2006 i spent at least 95% of the time awake completely alone, i went through such misery that ruined me for Life. It's amazing how i can go out everyday now and have 2 occupations, when i only used to have a few hours of social interaction a month! Nothing makes sense to me anymore, i want to disappear. Maybe i should be ashamed for writing all of this, yet i'm not, because it's all true, and i don't have 1 person to talk to anyway, so that's what this blog is here for, because i couldn't bear to keep all these feelings and thoughts inside me anymore. I've been, am, and will be, alone, at home, and endure through misery and pain and loneliness and anguish, until i perish, for there's no reason to live for anymore. And that's why i'm so different from everyone else. Without her, my desire is to die alone. There's nothing else i want from this world...
To me, Life without True Love, is meaningless!
Farewell, my dream that never was.
Nozomi Luís
In the end, my dream was nothing more, than a childish delusion...
Jason Becker playing Bach Solo and a little piece of "Air", featured in "The Legendary Guitar of Jason Becker" DVD.
Jason Becker's masterpiece "Air", from his solo album Perpetual Burn... enjoy!
Serrana, from Jason Becker's "Perspective" album
All rights go to Shrapnel Records
The amazing Jason Becker playing Grilled Peeps or Fast Country Thing at a clinic.
Jason Becker playing Mozart Symphony in G, featured in "The Legendary Guitar of Jason Becker" DVD.
Jason Becker plays parts of the song Drop in the Bucket, one of the
songs he wrote for David Lee Roth. He also improvises a lot. Completely
played with a clean sound.
"Most people assume that the majority is right, that society is
normal and sane, and that the misfit, dissident, loner or nonconformist is
abnormal and possibly mentally ill. That’s what they are programmed and
conditioned to believe. It is a classic “cattle control” method of getting the
herd to keep itself in line. However, many great thinkers, intellectuals and
writers throughout history have said the opposite. See these great quotes from
them below."
“The object in life is not to be on the side of the majority, but
to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.” - Marcus Aurelius, Roman
Emperor
"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a
profoundly sick society." - Jiddu Krishnamurti
"The men the American public admire most extravagantly are the
most daring liars; the men they detest most violently are those who try to tell
them the Truth." - H. L. Mencken
“Even if you are a minority of one, the Truth is the Truth.” -
Gandhi
"Insanity in individuals is something rare - but in groups, parties,
nations and epochs, it is the rule." - Friederich Nietzsche
"Insanity - a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane
world." - R. D. Lang
"Ninety-nine percent of the people in the world are fools, and
the rest of us are in great danger of contagion." - Thornton Wilder
"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being
overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and
sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of
owning yourself." - Friederich Nietzsche
"Men have been taught that it is a virtue to agree with
others. But the creator is the man who disagrees. Men have been taught that it
is a virtue to swim with the current. But the creator is the man who goes
against the current. Men have been taught that it is a virtue to stand
together. But the creator is the man who stands alone." - Ayn Rand
"The sick individual finds himself at home with all other
similarly sick individuals. The whole culture is geared to this kind of
pathology. The result is that the average individual does not experience the
separateness and isolation the fully schizophrenic person feels. He feels at
ease among those who suffer from the same deformation; in fact, it is the fully
sane person who feels isolated in the insane society - and he may suffer so
much from the incapacity to communicate that it is he who may become
psychotic." - Eric Fromm, Swiss Psychologist (The Anatomy of Human
Destructiveness)
The Parable of the Poisoned Well:
“There was once a wise king who ruled over a vast city. He was
feared for his might and loved for his wisdom. Now in the heart of the city,
there was a well whose waters were pure and crystalline from which the king and
all the inhabitants drank. When all were asleep, an enemy entered the city and
poured seven drops of a strange liquid into the well. And he said that
henceforth all who drink this water shall become mad.
All the people drank of the water, but not the king. And the people
began to say, "The king is mad and has lost his reason. Look how strangely
he behaves. We cannot be ruled by a madman, so he must be dethroned."
The king grew very fearful, for his subjects were preparing to rise
against him. So one evening, he ordered a golden goblet to be filled from the
well, and he drank deeply. The next day, there was great rejoicing among the
people, for their beloved king had finally regained his reason."
"A time will come when the whole world will go mad. And to
anyone who is not mad they will say: 'You are mad, for you are not like
us.'" - St. Anthony the Great (attributed to)
"Just look at us. Everything is backwards. Everything is
upside down. Doctors destroy health, lawyers destroy justice, universities
destroy knowledge, governments destroy freedom, the major media destroy
information, and religion destroys spirituality." -Michael Ellner
Dogbert: "Reality is always controlled by the people who are
most insane." - Scott Adams, Dilbert
"We are in the process of creating what deserves to be called
the idiot culture. Not an idiot sub-culture, which every society has bubbling
beneath the surface and which can provide harmless fun; but the culture itself.
For the first time, the weird and the stupid and the coarse are becoming our
cultural norm, even our cultural ideal." - Carl Bernstein, U.S.
Journalist. Guardian (London, June 3, 1992)
"Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be
wrong." - Oscar Wilde
“Whenever you find yourself on the side of the
majority, it is time to pause and reflect.” - Mark Twain
"Honesty is such a lonely word. Everyone is so untrue..."
- Billy Joel, in his hit song Honesty
"Insanity is relative. It depends on who has who locked in
what cage." - Ray Bradbury
"Beware when the great God lets loose a thinker on this
planet." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
"We do not have to visit a madhouse to find disordered minds;
our planet is the mental institution of the universe." - Johann von Goethe
"In a mad world, only the mad are sane." - Akira Kurosawa
"What sane person could live in this world and not be
crazy?" - Ursula K. LeGuin (b. 1929), US author, The Princess
"Our society is run by insane people for insane objectives...
I think we’re being run by maniacs for maniacal ends... and I think I’m liable
to be put away as insane for expressing that. That’s what’s insane about
it." - John Lennon, Interview BBC-TV (June 22, 1968)
"The most dangerous man, to any government, is the man who is
able to think things out for himself without regard to the prevailing
superstitions and taboos. Almost inevitably he comes to the conclusion that the
government he lives under is dishonest, insane and intolerable, and so, if he
is romantic, he tries to change it. And even if he is not romantic personally
he is apt to spread discontent among those who are." - H.L. Mencken
"In America, the criminally insane rule and the rest of us, or
the vast majority of the rest of us, either do not care, do not know, or are
distracted and properly brainwashed into acquiescence." - Kurt Nimmo
"America is an insane asylum run by the inmates." -
Lester Roloff (1914-1982)
"When the world goes mad, one must accept madness as sanity;
since sanity is, in the last analysis, nothing but the madness on which the
whole world happens to agree." - George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950), British
playwright
"The statistics on sanity are that one out of
every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of
your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you." - Rita Mae
Brown
“I think the reward for conformity is that everyone
likes you except yourself.” - Rita Mae Brown
"The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're
still a rat." - Lily Tomlin (1939 - ), Actress
"It is dangerous to be right when the government is
wrong." - Voltaire
"Sometimes I think that the greatest sign that there is
intelligent life somewhere in the universe is that it hasn't tried to contact
us yet." - Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes
"If human beings were shown what they're really like, they'd either kill
one another as vermin, or hang themselves." - Aldous
Huxley, Author of A Brave New World
"They
must find it difficult...those who have taken authority as the truth, rather
than truth as the authority." - Gerald Massey
“Devotion
to the truth is the hallmark of morality; there is no greater, nobler, more
heroic form of devotion than the act of a man who assumes the responsibility of
thinking.” - Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged
Steve Vai performs "Tender Surrender" from the DVD "Alien Love Secrets"
featuring full-length performance videos of every song from the "Alien
Love Secrets" EP.
The DVD includes:
• 7 Performance Videos
• 5.1 Surround & Stereo Mixes
• Alternate Video Angles
• Feature-length Commentary
• Interview with Steve Vai
"Alien
Love Secrets" is available through all major music retailers such as
Amazon.com, and also through the official Steve Vai website: http://www.vai.com
Steve Vai performs "I Know You're Here" at The Fillmore Auditorium,
Denver, CO. on October 20, 2003. Playing alongside Steve are The Breed:
Billy Sheehan on bass; Tony MacAlpine on guitar and keyboards; Jeremy
Colson on drums; and Dave Weiner on 7-string guitar.
From the DVD "G3 - Live In Denver" featuring Steve Vai, Joe Satriani and Yngwie Malmsteen.
"G3
- Live In Denver" is available through all major music retailers such
as Amazon.com, and also through the official Steve Vai website: http://www.vai.com
Osvaldo Golijov haunting soundtrack for Francis Ford Coppola's movie, "Youth without youth"
(the "search Youtube video" could not find it here, so i uploaded it myself)
Cimbalom (dulcimer) solo played by Jeno Farkas, Szalai Hungarian Gypsy Band
"I truly care and i try hard, but Life always ends up making me realize i am cursed to be alone forever, because if i don't initiate a conversation then not even one person ever talks to me or remembers me, and i always end up being forgotten or abandoned once i stop giving attention, so i feel no joy in being alive, no happiness, no good feelings, receive nothing good from anyone, can't even accept them anymore, have no will to try again, don't know what to do anymore, all i keep seeing in my future is a slow, miserable, and painful death, which i never wanted, and what did i do to deserve it?"
Clair de Lune, by Claude Debussy, 22 August 1862 – 25 March 1918) who was a French composer. Along with Maurice Ravel, he was one of the most prominent figures associated with Impressionist music, though he himself disliked the term when applied to his compositions.
I suffer from this every day and night, it started in my childhood, became severe 4 years ago, but hit me with intense hours of mental agony and physical pain last year. I didn't even know i had P.T.S.D. as well!
P.T.S.D. of Abandonment
"The intense emotional crisis of abandonment can create a trauma
severe enough to leave an emotional imprint on individuals’
psychobiological functioning, affecting their future choices and
responses to rejection, loss, or disconnection. Following an
abandonment experience in childhood or adulthood, some people develop a
sequela of post traumatic symptoms which share sufficient features with
post traumatic stress disorder to be considered a subtype of this
diagnostic category.
As with other types of post trauma, the symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder of abandonment range
from mild to severe. PTSD of abandonment is a psychobiological
condition in which earlier separation traumas interfere with current
life. An earmark of this interference is intrusive anxiety which often
manifests as a pervasive feeling of insecurity – a primary source
of self sabotage in our primary relationships and in achieving long
range goals. Another earmark is a tendency to compulsively reenact our
abandonment scenarios through repetitive patterns, i.e., abandoholism – being attracted to the unavailable.
Another factor of abandonment post trauma is for victims to be
plagued with diminished self esteem and heightened vulnerability within
social contexts (including the workplace) which intensifies their need
to buttress their flagging ego strength with defense mechanisms which
can be automatically discharged and whose intention is to protect the
narcissistically injured self from further rejection, criticism, or
abandonment. These habituated defenses are often maladaptive to their
purpose in that they can create emotional tension and jeopardize our
emotional connections.
Victims of abandonment trauma can also have emotional flashbacks that
flood us with feelings ranging from mild anxiety to intense panic in
response to triggers that we may or may not be conscious of. Once our
abandonment fear is triggered, it can lead to what Daniel Goleman calls emotional hijacking.
During an emotional hijacking, the emotional brain has taken over,
leaving its victims feeling a complete loss of control over their own
lives, at least momentarily. If emotional hijacking occurs frequently
enough, its chronic emotional excesses can lead to self-depreciation and
isolation and give rise to secondary conditions such as chronic
depression, anxiety, obsessive thinking, negative narcissism, and
addiction.
Post Traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a disease of the amygdala –
the emotional center of the brain responsible for initiating the Fight
Flee Freeze response. In PTSD, the amygdala is set on overdrive to keep
us in a perpetual state of hyper-vigilance, action-ready to declare a
state of emergency should it perceive any threat even vaguely
reminiscent of the original trauma. The amygdala, acting as the brain’s
warning system, is constantly working to protect (overprotect) us from
any possibility of further injury. In the post trauma related
specifically to abandonment, the amygdala scans the environment for potential threats to our attachments to our sense of self.
People with PTSD of abandonment can have heightened emotional
responses to abandonment triggers that are often considered
insignificant by others. For instance, depending on circumstances, when
we feel slighted, criticized, or excluded, it can instigate an emotional
hijacking and jeopardize our personal or professional life.
Below, are some of the other issues related to post traumatic stress disorder of abandonment: 30 Characteristics of post traumatic stress disorder of abandonment This list is meant to be descriptive, rather than exhaustive of the many issues related to the abandonment syndrome.
An intense fear of abandonment that interferes in forming primary relationships in adulthood.
Intrusive insecurity that interferes in your social life and goal achievement.
Tendency toward self defeating behavior patterns that sabotage your love life, goals, or career.
A tendency to repeatedly subject yourself to people or experiences that lead to another loss and another trauma.
Intrusive reawakening of old losses; echoes of old feelings of vulnerability and fear which interfere in current experience.
Heightened memories of traumatic separations and other events.
Conversely, partial or complete memory blocks of childhood traumas.
Feelings of emotional detachment, i.e. feeling numb to past losses.
Conversely, difficulty letting go of the painful feelings of old rejections and losses.
Episodes of self-neglectful or self destructive behavior.
Difficulty withstanding (and overreacting to) the customary emotional ups and downs of adult relationships.
Difficulty working through the ordinary levels of conflict and disappointment within adult relationships.
Extreme sensitivity to perceived rejections, exclusions or criticisms.
Emotional pendulum swing between fear of engulfment and fear of abandonment;
you alternate between ‘feeling the walls close in’ if someone gets too
close and feeling on a precipice of abandonment if you are not sure of
the person.
Difficulty feeling the affection and other physical comforts offered by a willing partner.
Tendency to ‘get turned off’ and ‘lose the connection’ by
involuntarily shutting down romantically and/or sexually on a willing
partner.
Conversely, tendency to feel hopelessly hooked on a partner who is emotionally distancing.
Tendency to have emotional hangovers ‘the morning after’ someone has triggered your abandonment feelings.
Difficulty naming your feelings or sorting through an emotional fog.
Abandophobism – a tendency to avoid close relationships altogether to avoid risk of abandonment.
Conversely, a tendency to rush into relationships and clamp on too quickly.
Difficulty letting go because you have attached with emotional
epoxy, even when you know your partner is no longer able to fulfill your
needs.
An excessive need for control, whether it’s about the need to
control others’ behavior and thoughts, or about being excessively
self-controlled; a need to have everything perfect and done your way.
Conversely, a tendency to create chaos by avoiding responsibility,
procrastinating, giving up control to others, and feeling out of
control.
Tendency to have unrealistic expectations and heightened reactivity
toward others such that it creates conflict and burns bridges to your
social connections.
People-pleasing – excessive need for acceptance or approval.
Co-dependency issues in which you give too much of yourself to others and feel you don’t get enough back.
Tendency to act impulsively without being able to put the brakes on, even when you are aware of the negative consequences.
Tendency toward unpredictable outbursts of anger.
Conversely, tendency to under-react to anger out of fear of breaking the connection and your extreme aversion to ‘not being liked’."
Today’s Trauma
During the initial stage of abandonment called shattering, the word trauma is
used frequently. In fact, feeling
abandoned by one’s primary love object is in and of itself a trauma, not
post trauma. It is a legitimate initial trauma.
When faced with an abandonment crisis, whether it is the result of a
recent breakup or an accumulation of abandonment wounds stemming from
cyclical past losses and heartbreaks, or whether it stems from loss of a
job, loss of a friend, or loss of one’s home or health, people describe
feeling the rug pulled out from beneath them and shattering their
dreams as traumatic.
In the throes of abandonment trauma, we experience many of the same
symptoms as victims of other types of trauma such as rape or physical
attack. A difference is that abandonment is not always
recognized as a legitimate form of trauma, yet the shock, numbing,
disorientation, outbursts of anger, sleep and appetite disturbance,
agitation, increased risk-taking, etc. are all symptoms of trauma.
Another difference is that abandonment is not a single event like a
train crash, but a sustained type of trauma whose stress builds momentum
as we grapple with the ongoing rigors of the abandonment grief process.
What goes into making abandonment a traumatizing event?
The emotional volcano of abandonment unleashes a torrent of primal
emotions that overwhelm us. Molten lava spews from the rock bottom of
our emotional core ripping up through our freshly opened abandonment
wound. No wonder the event is traumatizing! Technically speaking,
being rejected by one’s love object triggers primal abandonment fear –
the fear of being left by one’s source of vital sustenance.
Abandonment, our first fear, is in response to being expelled from our
mother’s womb. This sensation is stored in the amygdala – the site of
emotional memory responsible for conditioning the brain’s
fight/freeze/flight response. The emotional memory is intact enough at
or before birth to lay down traces of the feelings and sensations of
birth trauma as well as some prenatal antecedents. These primitive
feelings can be reawakened by later events, especially those reminiscent
of unwanted or abrupt separations from our attachments.
In adult abandonment, these primitive sensations become activated,
creating terror and panic. As the old infantile urgencies emerge into
the current crisis, it precipitates a symbiotic regression in
which we feel unable to survive without our loved one. We become
suffused with the intense stress of helplessness, especially as we try
to compel our loved one to return but remain unsuccessful in doing so.
This failure to compel can cause us to judge ourselves as having experiencing this
‘limited capacity’ is sufficiently traumatic to produce a fault line in
the psyche which renders us more vulnerable to break down emotionally
when faced with problems in our relationships.
Another trauma-inducing factor is the stress of losing our background object.
A background object is someone on whom we have come to rely for myriad
needs that we take for granted, such as the need to belong. We don’t
realize how important our background object is to our sense of security
until the object is gone. Unbeknownst to us, the relationship served as
a mutual regulatory system, not only emotionally, but physically. As
members of a couple, we became external regulators for one another.
Multiple psychobiological systems helped to maintain each other’s
equilibrium. We were attuned on many levels: our pupils dilated in
synchrony, we echoed one another’s speech patterns, movements, and even
cardiac and EEG rhythms.
As the emotional and bio-physiological effects mount, the stressful
process is heightened by the knowledge that it was not we, but our
partner who chose withdraw from the bond, leaving us to suffer intense
emotional responses that are easy to misinterpret as evidence of being
weak and lacking attachment-worthiness.
Signs of Abandonment’s Current Traumatic Stress
When individuals are in the shattering phase of abandonment trauma,
it is within normal range for them to have the following responses:
shock and disorientation, depersonalization, de-realization, emotional
collapse and despair, collapse of self confidence, panic, symbiotic
regression, disordered sleep, separation anxiety especially upon
awakening, dysregulation/disorganization, reality distortion, self
neglectful behaviors, increased use of substances, spurts of explosive
rage, withdrawal, fatigue, agitation, and suicidal ideations.
As the trauma cycle progresses, individuals go on to feel depressed,
agitated, and emotionally labile. They experience intense yearning for
the lost object, diminished self esteem, pervasive separation anxiety,
obsessive thoughts about the circumstances of the breakup and the
possibilities for reuniting, feelings of neediness, desperation, and
overreliance on others alternating with periods of self isolation."
Handel harpsichord suite n.7 in G minor
Handel suite played by Ludger Remy
Johann Jakob Froberger (May 18, 1616 – May 7, 1667) was a German Baroque
composer, keyboard virtuoso, and organist. He was very well known
during his lifetime and modern scholars consider him to be one of the
most important keyboard composers before Johann Sebastian Bach.
Froberger came from a musical family and his constant striving to be
the best that he could be shows a mature consciousness to be living for
the service of others, first for his family, then for his community,
then church and state. His core philosophy was to be of help for the
greater good in music.
info tracks and buy:
http://www.amazon.com/Johann-Jacob-Froberger-Strasbourg-Manuscript/dp/B00004Z3ZQ
Carl Philipp Emanuel Bach (1714 † 1788)
Work: Concerto for Harpsichord, Strings & Continuo in D minor, H.420 Wq.17
01. Allegro
02. Un Poco Adagio
03. Allegro
Performer:
Violins: Péter Szüts (leader), Györgyi Czirók, Éva Posvanecz, László Paulik, Piroska Vitárius, Gergely Kuklis
Violas: Balázs Bozzai, Erzsébet Rácz
Cello: Balázs Máté
Double bass: György Schweigert
Fortepiano: Miklós Spányi
Péter Szüts, director
Budapest Concerto Armonico
------------------------
Artwork: Diogenes looking for an honest man by Caesar van Everdingen
Luc Beauséjour plays Bach on pedal harpsichord. Luc Beauséjour joue Bach au clavecin-pédalier.
Leipzig harpsichordist Cornelia
Osterwald plays the first movement from J. S. Bach's »Italian Concerto« F
major, BWV 971. Recorded 08 November, 2012 in the Leipzig Bach Museum.
Produced by floid TV.
www.bachmuseumleipzig.de • www.floidtv.de
Q: Who is performing?
A:
I got this recording from Royalty Free Classical Music (dot org); they
sell stock performances, and give stock answers to questions; the stock
answer to "who is performing this" is "The RFCM Symphony Orchestra".
Q: Where can I download this recording?
A: There's a similar recording you can download free, from here: http://tinyurl.com/airatmusopen
Q: What is the BWV number for this?
A: BWV 1068
Q: What does this have to do with a g-string?
A:
The short answer is that many people know it by the name "Air on the
G-string," so I put it in the title to help people find it. You can read
more about this here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Air_on_t...
Q: What is the real name of this piece?
A: It is the second movement of Bach's Orchestral Suite No. 3 in D major, titled "Aria" (Italian for "Air").
This is the first movement of the Concerto, performed at the Byron Colby
Barn in Grayslake IL, 11 November 2012 as part of a birthday
celebration for David Schrader, who was at the harpsichord. The other
members of Ars Antigua are Martin Davids and Jeri Lou Zike, baroque
violins; David Moss, viola; Craig Trompeter, cello; and Jerry Fuller,
violone. The third movement of this Concerto is also posted, at this
address: http://youtu.be/sv9vQ_CLrmg
We would like to thank WFMT radio and Pegasus Recording for providing the audio for this video.
Alessandro Scarlatti Toccata per cembalo in G minor
Prelude for keyboard in B minor (by Wilhelm Hieronymous Pachelbel), BWV
923 (BC L131) - Fugue on a theme by Albinoni, for keyboard in B minor,
BWV 951 (BC L162)
performed by Robert Hill
Bach Harpsichord Concerto in D minor BWV 1052.
One of the grandest keyboard concertos written by Bach. No further description needed. Listen and be awed.
