Day of the Week and its Planet - 3 - Tuesday - Mars

"I only hurt myself because i am always alone, but if i deserved to be loved and cared by the woman i love even half as much as i love and care about her, the majority of my problems would be solved, my suffering would stop, and my life would be a living dream come true i can barely imagine."

 

 

 

Day of the Week and its Planet - 2 - Monday - Moon

"I feel my head heavy, but it's more than physical, i feel a mental block, a source of agony, that makes me numb, stops my thought, takes away my vitality, and my will to live."

 

 

Day of the Week and its Planet - 1 - Sunday - Sun (the only exception)

"The best help anyone can give me, is to help me get out of this damned accursed hateful house, FOREVER!!!"

 

 

 

I need Love too!

"Humm... i adore the warmth of your body!"

I need constant communication.
I want to be with someone all the time.
I want to know that someone is listening to me.
Being ignored hurts so bad.

I don't want to be alone anymore!

I want to be together, feel her warmth, eat with her, cuddle, hug, hold hands, kiss, fall asleep next to her, and all those things i never had, and still don't even understand what it is or how it feels like!
It hurts that no one has time for me, and i always have time, and yet, i always end up being alone.
I get sad.
So sad...
I want someone to be with me as much as possible.
Alone, all i feel is pain, and i always end up hurting myself…

The Empath

"Empathy is the ability to "read” and understand people and be in-tune with or resonate with others, voluntarily or involuntarily of one's empath capacity.  Empathy often works alongside with telepathy, and this mutually enhances the strength of these abilities. 

Empaths have the ability to scan another's psyche for thoughts and feelings or for past, present, and future life occurrences.  Many empaths are unaware of how this actually works, and have long accepted that they were “sensitive” to others.

Empathy is a “feeling” of another’s true emotions to a point where an empath can relate to that person by sensing true feelings that run deeper than those portrayed on the surface.  People commonly put on a “show” of expression.   This is a learned trait of hiding authentic expression in an increasingly demanding society.

An empath can sense the truth behind the “cover” and will act compassionately to help that person express him/herself, thus making them feel at ease and not so desperately alone.  It’s as though the empath truly understands, and, in many cases, they do through personal “firsthand” experience. 

Empaths experience empathy towards family, children, friends, close associates, complete strangers, pets, plants and inanimate objects.  Thus, an empath can feel the emotions of people and things at a distance.  Some are empathic towards animals (the “Horse Whisperer”), to nature, to the planetary system, to mechanical devices or to buildings.  Others will have a combination of the above.

Empaths are highly “sensitive”.  This is the term commonly used in describing one's abilities (sensitivity) to another’s emotions and feelings.  Empaths have a deep sense of “knowing” that accompanies empathy and are often compassionate, considerate, and understanding of others.  Everyone has this natural ability; however, many never choose to utilize their ability and/or are completely unaware of their empathic ability.

There are also varying levels of strength in empaths which may be related to the individual’s awareness of self, understanding of the powers of empathy, and/or the acceptance or non-acceptance of empathy by those associated with them, including family and peers. Generally, those who are empathic grow up with these tendencies and do not learn about them until later in life.

Empathy is genetic, inherent in our DNA, and passed from generation to generation.  It is studied both by traditional science and alternative healing practitioners.  

Empathy has both biological/genetic and spiritual aspects.  Many will claim that empathy and telepathy are strictly of a “spiritual nature”.  This is an injustice; just as it is an injustice to focus only on the physical nature of empathy.  For indeed, empathy has very physical, mental and spiritual implications and attributes.

It is not unusual for empaths to have experienced many things in their lives.  Often many of their life experiences could be considered rather extreme, adventurous, or daring, allowing empaths to be open and receptive to much more.  Whereas some people’s lives may be considered rather “soft or easy” and even enviable, that of an empath is often more than just challenging, with many a major roller coaster ride thrown in here and there! 

Empaths often possess the ability to sense others on many different levels.   From their position in observing what another is saying, feeling and thinking, they come to understand another.  They can become very proficient at reading another person’s body language and/or study intently the eye movements.   While this in itself is not empathy, it is a side-shoot that comes from being observant of others.  In a sense, empaths have a complete communication package.

While there is much we don’t yet understand about how empathy works, we do have some information.  Everything has an energetic vibration or frequency and an empath is able to sense these vibrations and recognize even the subtlest changes undetectable to the naked eye or the five senses.

Words of expression hold an energetic pattern that originates from the speaker.  They have a specific meaning particular to the speaker.  Behind that expression is a power better known as “energy”.  For example, hate often brings about an intense feeling that immediately accompanies the word.  The word “hate” becomes strengthened with the speaker’s feeling.  It is that person’s feelings (energy) that are picked up by empaths, whether the words are spoken, thought or just felt without verbal or bodily expression.

Empaths are creative in many aspects..  Poets, writers, singers, and artists with a high degree of creativity and imagination.  They are known for many talents as their interests are varied, broad and continual.  They are mother, father, child, friend, nurse, caregiver, teacher, doctor, sales people... to psychic, clairvoyant, healer, etc.  (That is not to say that any of these categories are all empaths.)  The list is extensive and really unimportant.  It is more important to notice that empaths are everywhere--in every culture and throughout the world.

One of the most obvious places for empathic connection is within the parent/child/family bonds.  Mothers show recognizable signs of empathy in the early days of conception and this rapidly increases after birth. Children are often mirroring the feelings and thoughts of their parents and siblings because they are empathically “in tune” with them and exposed to them on a daily basis.  It is wonderful for children to grow up with parents in awareness of  empathy for the children are less likely to suppress their abilities and accept their natural talents. 

Empaths are often very affectionate in personality and expression, great listeners and counselors (and not just in the professional area).  They will find themselves helping others and often putting their own needs aside to do so.  In the same breath, they can be much the opposite.  They may be quiet, withdrawn from the outside world, loners, depressed, neurotic, life’s daydreamers, or even narcissistic. 

They are most often passionate towards nature and respect its bountiful beauty.  One will often find empaths enjoying the outdoors, beaches, walking, etc.  Empaths may find themselves continually drawn to nature as a form of release.  It is the opportune place to recapture their senses and gain a sense of peace in the hectic lives they may live.  The time to get away from it all and unwind with nature becomes essential to the empath.  Animals are often dear to the heart of empaths.  It is not uncommon for empaths to have more than one pet in their homes.  They can be veterinarians and animal caretakers.

Empaths make great friends for life, but are crushed if the friendship is abused.  Over time, they will become far more selective.  Though they may have a large circle of friends, they generally only have a few “close” ones.
Empaths are often quiet achievers.  They can take a while to handle a compliment for they're more inclined to point out another’s positive attributes.  They are highly expressive in all areas of emotional connection, and talk openly, and, at times quite frankly.  They may have few problems talking about their feelings if another cares to listen (regardless of how much they listen to others). 

However, they can be the exact opposite:  reclusive and apparently unresponsive at the best of times.  They may even appear ignorant.   Some are very good at “blocking out” others and that’s not always a bad thing, at least for the learning empath struggling with a barrage of emotions from others, as well as their own feelings.

Empaths have a tendency to openly feel what is outside of them more so than what is inside of them.  This can cause empaths to ignore their own needs.  In general an empath is non-violent, non-aggressive and leans more towards being the peacemaker.  Any area filled with disharmony creates an uncomfortable feeling in an empath.  If they find themselves in the middle of a confrontation, they will endeavor to settle the situation as quickly as possible, if not avoid it all together.  If any harsh words are expressed in defending themselves, they will likely resent their lack of self-control, and have a preference to peacefully resolve the problem quickly. 
Empaths are more inclined to pick up another’s feelings and project it back without realizing its origin in the first place.   Talking things out is a major factor in releasing emotions in the learning empath.  Empaths can develop an even stronger degree of understanding so that they can find peace in most situations.    The downside is that empaths may bottle up emotions and build barriers sky-high so as to not let others know of their innermost thoughts and/or feelings.  This withholding of emotional expression can be a direct result of a traumatic experience, an expressionless upbringing, or simply being told as a child, "Children are meant to be seen and not heard!"

Without a doubt, this emotional withholding can be detrimental to one’s health, for the longer one’s thoughts and/or emotions aren't released, the more power they build.  The thoughts and/or emotions can eventually becoming explosive, if not crippling.  The need to express oneself honestly is a form of healing and a choice open to all.  To not do so can result in a breakdown of the person and result in mental/emotional instability or the creation of a physical ailment, illness or disease.

Empaths are sensitive to TV, videos, movies, news and broadcasts. Violence or emotional dramas depicting shocking scenes of physical or emotional pain inflicted on adults, children or animals can bring an empath easily to tears.  At times, they may feel physically ill or choke back the tears.  Some empaths will struggle to comprehend any such cruelty, and mayl have grave difficulty in expressing themselves in the face of another’s ignorance, closed-mindedness and obvious lack of compassion.  They simply cannot justify the suffering they feel and see.

You will find empaths working with people, animals or nature with a true passion and dedication to help them.  They are often tireless teachers and/or caretakers for our environment and all within it. Many volunteers are empathic and give up personal time to help others without pay and/or recognition.

Empaths may be excellent storytellers due to an endless imagination, inquisitive minds and ever-expanding knowledge.   They can be old romantics at heart and very gentle.  They may also be the “keepers” of ancestral knowledge and family history.  If not the obvious family historians, they may be the ones who listen to the stories passed down and possess the majority of the family history.  Not surprisingly, they may have started or possess a family tree.

They have a broad interest in music to suit their many expressive temperaments, and others can query how empaths can listen to one style of music, and within minutes, change to something entirely different.  Lyrics within a song can have adverse, powerful effects on empaths, especially if it is relevant to a recent experience.  In these moments, it is advisable for empaths to listen to music without lyrics, to avoid playing havoc with their emotions!

They are just as expressive with body language as with words, thoughts, and feelings.  Their creativity is often expressed through dance, acting, and bodily movements.   Empaths can project an incredible amount of energy portraying and/or releasing emotion.  Empaths can become lost in the music, to the point of being in a trance-like state; they become one with the music through the expression of their physical bodies.  They describe this feeling as a time when all else around them is almost non-existent.

People of all walks of life and animals are attracted to the warmth and genuine compassion of empaths.  Regardless of whether others are aware of one being empathic, people are drawn to them as a metal object is to a magnet! 

Even complete strangers find it easy to talk to empaths about the most personal things, and before they know it, they have poured out their hearts and souls without intending to do so consciously.  It is as though on a sub-conscious level that person knows instinctively that empaths would listen with compassionate understanding. Then again, for empaths, it is always nice to actually be heard themselves! 

Here are the listeners of life. They can be outgoing, bubbly, enthusiastic and a joy to be in the presence of, as well as highly humorous at the most unusual moments!  On the flip side, empaths can be weighted with mood swings that will have others around them want to jump overboard and abandon ship!  The thoughts and feelings empaths receive from any and all in their life can be so overwhelming (if not understood) that their moods can fluctuate with lightning speed.  One moment they may be delightfully happy and with a flick of the switch, miserable.

Abandoning an empath in the throes of alternating moods can create detrimental effects.  A simple return of empathic love--listening and caring compassionately without bias, judgment and/or condemnation--can go an incredibly long way to an empath's instant recovery.  Many empaths don't understand what is occurring within them.  They literally have no idea that another person’s emotions are now felt, as one’s own and reflected outwardly.  They are confused as to how one moment all was well, and then the next, they feel so depressed, alone, etc.  The need to understand the possibilities of empath connection is a vital part of the empaths journey for themselves and for those around them. 
Empaths are often problem solvers, thinkers, and studiers of many things.  As far as empaths are concerned, where a problem is, so too is the answer.  They often will search until they find one--if only for peace of mind.  This can certainly prove beneficial for others in their relationships, in the workplace, or on the home front.  Where there is a will, there is a way and the empath will find it.  The empath can literally (likely without the knowledge of what’s actually occurring) tap into Universal Knowledge and be receptive to guidance in solving anything they put their head and hearts into.

Empaths often are vivid and/or lucid dreamers.  They can dream in detail and are inquisitive of dream content. Often they feel as though the dreams are linked to their physical life somehow, and not just a mumble of nonsensical, irrelevant, meaningless images.  This curiosity will lead many empathic dreamers to unravel some of the “mysterious” dream contents from an early age and connect the interpretation to its relevance in their physical life.  If not, they may be led to dream interpretations through other means.

Empaths are daydreamers with difficulty keeping focused on the mundane.  If life isn't stimulating, off an empath will go into a detached state of mind.  They will go somewhere, anywhere, in a thought that appears detached from the physical reality, yet is alive and active for they really are off and away.   If a tutor is lecturing with little to no emotional input, empaths will not be receptive to such teaching and can (unintentionally) drift into a state of daydreaming. 

Give the empath student the tutor who speaks with stimuli and emotion (through actual experience of any given subject) and the empath is receptively alert.  Empaths are a captivated audience.  This same principle applies in acting.  An actor will either captivate the audience through expressing (in all aspects) emotions (as though they really did experience the role they are portraying) or will loose them entirely.  Empaths make outstanding actors.

Empaths frequently experience déjà vu and synchronicities.  What may initially start as, "Oh, what a coincidence", will lead to the understanding of synchronicities as an aspect of who they are.  These synchronicities will become a welcomed and continually expanding occurrence.  As an understanding of self grows, the synchronicities become more fluent and free flowing.  The synchronicities can promote a feeling of euphoria as empaths identify with them and appreciate the connection to their empathic nature.

Empaths are most likely to have had varying paranormal experiences throughout their lives.  NDE's (Near death experiences) and or OBE's (Out of body experiences) can catapult an unaware empath into the awakening period and provide the momentum for a journey of discovery.  Those who get caught up in life, in society’s often dictating ways, in work etc., can become lost in a mechanical way of living that provides very little meaning. All “signs of guidance” are ignored to shift out of this state of “doing”. A path to being whole again becomes evident and a search for more meaning in one’s life begins.

These types of experiences appear dramatic, can be life-altering indeed, and are most assuredly just as intensely memorable in years to come.   They are the voice of guidance encouraging us to pursue our journey in awareness.  Sometimes, some of us require that extra assistance! 

For some empaths, the lack of outside understanding towards paranormal events they experience, may lead to suppressing such abilities.   (Most of these abilities are very natural and not a coincidence.)  Empaths may unknowingly adopt the positive or negative attitude of others as their own.  (This, however, can be overcome.)  Empaths may need to follow interests in the paranormal and the unexplained with curiosity so as to explain and accept their life circumstances."

http://www.freewebs.com/theempath/

Piano Music Presentation (end)

Clair de Lune, by Claude Debussy, 22 August 1862 – 25 March 1918) who was a French composer. Along with Maurice Ravel, he was one of the most prominent figures associated with Impressionist music, though he himself disliked the term when applied to his compositions.

I like cooking for myself

(these images are not mine, because i don't have a camera or smartphone anymore)


It's quite nice, actually, cooking, a much needed practice, a very important habit.

To begin, i'd like to state the fact that almost all food contains water, and that is the first ingredient.

I must say this too, i do not use ingredients created in laboratory, processed food, flavor intensifiers, artificial aromas, colorants, or whatever else not natural, i don't drink coffee or alcohol, i don't smoke anything or consume any drug, i don't take any sleeping pills or anti-depressants or any of the sort. So, now that that it's out of the way, all ingredients i use are as simple and natural as i can get them.

Pure, new born, untouched water.

Add water to a pot, put the pot on the stove, turn on the gas, start a fire and let's begin!

Don't go anywhere for too long when you're cooking.

No one taught me how to cook, most help i ever got was a few tips, or mostly watching others cooking in television shows, being Masterchef Australia Season 2 my favorite.
I eventually tried to cook something simple, like chocolate pudding, years ago, and it slowly developed from there.
My first attempt took twice as long, twice as many kitchen utensils, and was thrice as messy to prepare, as it would normally require! Yeah...

Like this, but messier!

From there i went to eggs, on a small square pan.

Needs to be anti adherent, or some food will stick to it.

With olive oil and salt, sunny side up first, 3 at a time. Then to cook them better, i started flipping the eggs whole, or i would cut them into equal parts before flipping, resulting in over medium, 4 at a time.

Overcooked below, undercooked above? No thanks.

Thicker, more consistent, tastier.

I don't cook eggs every day, but if i did it would be fine, i don't burn them or waste them.

Eating hard boiled eggs is rare for me.

I cook great, fluffy, tasty, scrambled eggs with cream.

Around this time, i tasted Soy sauce for the first time, and later, English sauce, which looks the same, but tastes better. The ones i use are cheap anyway, so i'm just saying.

Tastes nice.

Tastes nicer.

It goes nice with chicken breast, turkey breast, hamburgers, et cetera, so i cooked them too, always with olive oil and salt, either eating them like that, with bread, or with other foods i cooked right after.

I'm not crazy about red meat, and i avoid it for many reasons, but i can eat it.

In fact, hamburgers are the only red meat i ever cooked, now that i think about it.

I prefer white meat, to cook and eat, it's simply a better choice, of meat.

But of course, killing animals is still killing animals, something i have barely ever done, and strongly detest. If no more animals were killed to become food for humans, i'd be fine with that, even if i had to starve more.

I add Olive oil to almost all of the foods i cook.

Vinegar goes better with raw ingredients, i suppose.

Olive oil is the only fat i cook with, i don't eat fried foods unless i fry them, otherwise it is very rare that i eat anything fried, and i always remove fat from it with kitchen paper.

But there is a dish i prepare that doesn't need any cooking, and is served cold. It started when i added peas, corn, tomato, onion, tuna, olive oil, and vinegar, in layers, on a plate. I sometimes use other ingredients that go well together too.

I stack my ingredients, not like this, and eat them together, but without mixing them on the plate.

If i feel like it, i will wash, peel, slice, and fry sweet potatoes, with olive oil and salt.

I can cook them on the oven, but it takes an hour, so it's best to put something else on the oven with them.

A dish i cook a lot, easy to prepare, and to eat, is mixtures of vegetables and such foods, or me doing my own, and adding something else on top, or at the end.

It may be too simple as a main dish, so, add something else.

Sometimes i experiment with ingredients cooked together, but somehow i don't go through the cooking process for each ingredient properly.

I'm all in for new tastes, but sometimes they're a chore to eat.

I think that among everything i cook, rice is probably the one i get wrong the most, but i still eat it all. The food i cook is 99% edible, and rarely are bits and pieces left on the plate.

I am yet to understand how can i cook the perfect Rice.

So, when i cook, i don't use a clock, no measures, i do everything by feeling, i look at it, do it by hand, when it feels right, i move on to the next step or the process, so my food doesn't always come out in the correct order, or that tasty. But hey, no one taught me how to cook, and i do what i can in the conditions i am in.

Spaghetti is easy, even i never ruin it.

I wash my own kitchen utensils, with which only i cook, and no one else touches them. I never touch the property of other people, unless i really have to. I don't touch other people's food either, and i've been eating alone for 16 years or more, which is quite something.

I use a non-stick modern style wok mostly now, it can cook almost anything very nicely with it.

When it comes to bread, the darker the better, but i'm not talking about fake bread that turns brown because it has sugar and the sugar browns, no, i'm talking about natural and healthy bread, not white bread. Healthy bread!

Not everyone can eat bread, or healthy bread, but do your best. This Bread is nice, but there are betters.

About sauces, i don't really know much about how the process goes, or how to successfully create sauces, if it should be used with food, on the side, mixed with everything, so to me it depends on what i'm using and cooking. I try to keep it simple.

Hopefully no need for sugar.

Just plain tomato, you know.

Why bother trying to cook fancy food, when simple recipes will fill my stomach for the whole day!

I cook plenty food to last for 24 hours, quite often.

It's not like i never wasted food, in fact, i have overcooked a few dishes, that i later had to throw away half of it, because i couldn't force myself to eat anymore. It was very rare though.

Do i add the meat with the pasta, or cook it separately? It depends? Help!

When i first started handling the ingredients, i would feel awkward, and even peeling onions would make me cry! Now it doesn't happen anymore because i'm faster at cutting it. Handling a knife, and cutting something like a tomato in my hand, never got me cut, because i'm not in a hurry, and i know the cutting motions. Since i don't deal with skin and bones and animal parts difficult to handle, cooking is not a chore for me.

Stay away from my eyes, Onion!

Does anyone measure Salt?

I watch a lot of japanese and korean television, and i would often see people cooking fish, and from there came my desire to cook white fillets of fish with tomato and pasta, and a little of spicy red pepper. It's one of my favorite dishes, and i enjoy eating it during the day, while watching asian television shows, it's a habit now.

Tomato always tastes good!

I avoid going for ingredients that produce waste, like animals, which as far as i know, were not created to be served as food for humans. Still, if i'm going to eat animals, fish is the best choice.

Oh, the tastiness of boneless, well cooked fish!

I don't need to be from this or that country to appreciate typical flavors from different places around the world.

So many pleasing combinations of ingredients out there, i don't even know!

There's hardly any type of food better than fruit, natural, fresh, juicy, healthy, whole, raw. Like most things worth doing, it may take a while to wash and peel a lot of fruit, but in the end it's worth it!

Fruit salad, with whatever fruits you have available. Always nice to eat!

Some day i was looking at a lemon, i had honey there too, so i decided to create a drink for me to drink hot, that was as simple and easy to prepare, as it was delicious.

My favorite fruit, the Lemon. 

Sometimes i make a small cut in a lemon with a fingernail, just to smell it, because i like it so much.

A wonder of nature, Honey.

Bees do a great work, they deserve a raise!

Lemon+Honey+Water=My favorite hot drink!

It's almost over, now go get a ripe yellow lemon, cut it in half, put it inside a glass jar you can drink from, or use a straw, heat it up, use a spoon to extract all the interior of the lemon into the jar, don't add the white interior of the lemon because it's bitter, remove the seeds, add honey to your taste, add plenty of water, heat up the jar without letting the liquid boil, grab a spoon and mix the ingredients, and it's ready to drink.

And this is how it ends, with a most gorgeous fragrance among foods, and taste among drinks. Enjoy!

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder of Abandonment

I suffer from this every day and night, it started in my childhood, became severe 4 years ago, but hit me with intense hours of mental agony and physical pain last year. I didn't even know i had P.T.S.D. as well!

 

P.T.S.D. of Abandonment

"The intense emotional crisis of abandonment can create a trauma severe enough to leave an emotional imprint on individuals’ psychobiological functioning, affecting their future choices and responses to rejection, loss, or disconnection.  Following an abandonment experience in childhood or adulthood, some people develop a sequela of post traumatic symptoms which share sufficient features with post traumatic stress disorder to be considered a subtype of this diagnostic category.

As with other types of post trauma, the symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder of abandonment range from mild to severe.  PTSD of abandonment is a psychobiological condition in which earlier separation traumas interfere with current life.  An earmark of this interference is intrusive anxiety which often manifests as a pervasive feeling of insecurity – a primary source of self sabotage in our primary relationships and in achieving long range goals.  Another earmark is a tendency to compulsively reenact our abandonment scenarios through repetitive patterns, i.e., abandoholism – being attracted to the unavailable.
Another factor of abandonment post trauma is for victims to be plagued with diminished self esteem and heightened vulnerability within social contexts (including the workplace) which intensifies their need to buttress their flagging ego strength with defense mechanisms which can be automatically discharged and whose intention is to protect the narcissistically injured self from further rejection, criticism, or abandonment.  These habituated defenses are often maladaptive to their purpose in that they can create emotional tension and jeopardize our emotional connections.

Victims of abandonment trauma can also have emotional flashbacks that flood us with feelings ranging from mild anxiety to intense panic in response to triggers that we may or may not be conscious of.  Once our abandonment fear is triggered, it can lead to what Daniel Goleman calls emotional hijacking.  During an emotional hijacking, the emotional brain has taken over, leaving its victims feeling a complete loss of control over their own lives, at least momentarily.  If emotional hijacking occurs frequently enough, its chronic emotional excesses can lead to self-depreciation and isolation and give rise to secondary conditions such as chronic depression, anxiety, obsessive thinking, negative narcissism, and addiction.
Post Traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a disease of the amygdala – the emotional center of the brain responsible for initiating the Fight Flee Freeze response.  In PTSD, the amygdala is set on overdrive to keep us in a perpetual state of hyper-vigilance, action-ready to declare a state of emergency should it perceive any threat even vaguely reminiscent of the original trauma. The amygdala, acting as the brain’s warning system, is constantly working to protect (overprotect) us from any possibility of further injury.  In the post trauma related specifically to abandonment, the amygdala scans the environment for potential threats to our attachments to our sense of self.

People with PTSD of abandonment can have heightened emotional responses to abandonment triggers that are often considered insignificant by others. For instance, depending on circumstances, when we feel slighted, criticized, or excluded, it can instigate an emotional hijacking and jeopardize our personal or professional life.

Below, are some of the other issues related to post traumatic stress disorder of abandonment:
30 Characteristics of post traumatic stress disorder of abandonment
This list is meant to be descriptive, rather than exhaustive of the many issues related to the abandonment syndrome.  

1. An intense fear of abandonment that interferes in forming primary relationships in adulthood.
2. Intrusive insecurity that interferes in your social life and goal achievement.
3. Tendency toward self defeating behavior patterns that sabotage your love life, goals, or career.
4. A tendency to repeatedly subject yourself to people or experiences that lead to another loss and another trauma.
5. Intrusive reawakening of old losses; echoes of old feelings of vulnerability and fear which interfere in current experience.
6. Heightened memories of traumatic separations and other events.
7. Conversely, partial or complete memory blocks of childhood traumas.
8. Feelings of emotional detachment, i.e. feeling numb to past losses.
9. Conversely, difficulty letting go of the painful feelings of old rejections and losses.
10. Episodes of self-neglectful or self destructive behavior.
11. Difficulty withstanding (and overreacting to) the customary emotional ups and downs of adult relationships.
12. Difficulty working through the ordinary levels of conflict and disappointment within adult relationships.
13. Extreme sensitivity to perceived rejections, exclusions or criticisms.
14. Emotional pendulum swing between fear of engulfment and fear of abandonment; you alternate between ‘feeling the walls close in’ if someone gets too close and feeling on a precipice of abandonment if you are not sure of the person.
15. Difficulty feeling the affection and other physical comforts offered by a willing partner.
16. Tendency to ‘get turned off’ and ‘lose the connection’ by involuntarily shutting down romantically and/or sexually on a willing partner.
17. Conversely, tendency to feel hopelessly hooked on a partner who is emotionally distancing.
18. Tendency to have emotional hangovers ‘the morning after’ someone has triggered your abandonment feelings.
19. Difficulty naming your feelings or sorting through an emotional fog.
20. Abandophobism – a tendency to avoid close relationships altogether to avoid risk of abandonment.
21. Conversely, a tendency to rush into relationships and clamp on too quickly.
22. Difficulty letting go because you have attached with emotional epoxy, even when you know your partner is no longer able to fulfill your needs.
23. An excessive need for control, whether it’s about the need to control others’ behavior and thoughts, or about being excessively self-controlled; a need to have everything perfect and done your way.
24. Conversely, a tendency to create chaos by avoiding responsibility, procrastinating, giving up control to others, and feeling out of control.
25. Tendency to have unrealistic expectations and heightened reactivity toward others such that it creates conflict and burns bridges to your social connections.
26. People-pleasing – excessive need for acceptance or approval.
27. Co-dependency issues in which you give too much of yourself to others and feel you don’t get enough back.
28. Tendency to act impulsively without being able to put the brakes on, even when you are aware of the negative consequences.
29. Tendency toward unpredictable outbursts of anger.
30. Conversely, tendency to under-react to anger out of fear of breaking the connection and your extreme aversion to ‘not being liked’."

Today’s Trauma

During the initial stage of abandonment called shattering, the word trauma is used frequently.  In fact, feeling abandoned by one’s primary love object is in and of itself a trauma, not post trauma.  It is a legitimate initial trauma.

When faced with an abandonment crisis, whether it is the result of a recent breakup or an accumulation of abandonment wounds stemming from cyclical past losses and heartbreaks, or whether it stems from loss of a job, loss of a friend, or loss of one’s home or health, people describe feeling the rug pulled out from beneath them and shattering their dreams as traumatic.

In the throes of abandonment trauma, we experience many of the same symptoms as victims of other types of trauma such as rape or physical attack. A difference is that abandonment is not always recognized as a legitimate form of trauma, yet the shock, numbing, disorientation, outbursts of anger, sleep and appetite disturbance, agitation, increased risk-taking, etc. are all symptoms of trauma.  Another difference is that abandonment is not a single event like a train crash, but a sustained type of trauma whose stress builds momentum as we grapple with the ongoing rigors of the abandonment grief process.

What goes into making abandonment a traumatizing event?

The emotional volcano of abandonment unleashes a torrent of primal emotions that overwhelm us.  Molten lava spews from the rock bottom of our emotional core ripping up through our freshly opened abandonment wound.  No wonder the event is traumatizing!  Technically speaking, being rejected by one’s love object triggers primal abandonment fear – the fear of being left by one’s source of vital sustenance.

Abandonment, our first fear, is in response to being expelled from our mother’s womb.  This sensation is stored in the amygdala – the site of emotional memory responsible for conditioning the brain’s fight/freeze/flight response.  The emotional memory is intact enough at or before birth to lay down traces of the feelings and sensations of birth trauma as well as some prenatal antecedents. These primitive feelings can be reawakened by later events, especially those reminiscent of unwanted or abrupt separations from our attachments.

In adult abandonment, these primitive sensations become activated, creating terror and panic.  As the old infantile urgencies emerge into the current crisis, it precipitates a symbiotic regression in which we feel unable to survive without our loved one.  We become suffused with the intense stress of helplessness, especially as we try to compel our loved one to return but remain unsuccessful in doing so. This failure to compel can cause us to judge ourselves as having experiencing this ‘limited capacity’ is sufficiently traumatic to produce a fault line in the psyche which renders us more vulnerable to break down emotionally when faced with problems in our relationships.

Another trauma-inducing factor is the stress of losing our background object. A background object is someone on whom we have come to rely for myriad needs that we take for granted, such as the need to belong.  We don’t realize how important our background object is to our sense of security until the object is gone.  Unbeknownst to us, the relationship served as a mutual regulatory system, not only emotionally, but physically.  As members of a couple, we became external regulators for one another. Multiple psychobiological systems helped to maintain each other’s equilibrium. We were attuned on many levels: our pupils dilated in synchrony, we echoed one another’s speech patterns, movements, and even cardiac and EEG rhythms.

As the emotional and bio-physiological effects mount, the stressful process is heightened by the knowledge that it was not we, but our partner who chose withdraw from the bond, leaving us to suffer intense emotional responses that are easy to misinterpret as evidence of being weak and lacking attachment-worthiness.

Signs of Abandonment’s Current Traumatic Stress    

When individuals are in the shattering phase of abandonment trauma, it is within normal range for them to have the following responses: shock and disorientation, depersonalization, de-realization, emotional collapse and despair, collapse of self confidence, panic, symbiotic regression, disordered sleep, separation anxiety especially upon awakening, dysregulation/disorganization, reality distortion, self neglectful behaviors, increased use of substances, spurts of explosive rage, withdrawal, fatigue, agitation, and suicidal ideations.
As the trauma cycle progresses, individuals go on to feel depressed, agitated, and emotionally labile. They experience intense yearning for the lost object, diminished self esteem, pervasive separation anxiety, obsessive thoughts about the circumstances of the breakup and the possibilities for reuniting, feelings of neediness, desperation, and overreliance on others alternating with periods of self isolation."